one hour later...

the office is quiet today. many have begun their holiday. no complaints here! if i have to goto work rather than get on the road- i just assume it be a day and pace like this one.

i am emotionally exhausted. this process with charles is very difficult. it is tiring to know how to really obey God and be full of faith. i want to be sensitive to the Spirit. i want to want what God wants more than what i want- but i don't know if i really do.

after work today, i will drive to nashville. it should be about an eight hour trip (max). i am excited to see all of my munchkins. i am also excited to see what charles thinks of them, how they interact together and what my nephews will say when they find out that Charles is from Lagos (pronounced Legos). they really might freak.

i will also be meeting my new niece- nora catherine... ELATED!!!!!!!!!!!

i will also be able to meet charles' best friend chooks. i'm excited to meet him. especially b/c his name is awesome.

i'll come back early next week and may stop in to see my friend shelby in cincinnatti. she just moved back from LA and i'm sympathetic to the adjustment it can be to move to your lame town from some sweet city like LA.

i want to make more space in my life for God to show me what the heck is going on. i really have no idea.

one of those weeks

and it's only wednesday...

this has been one of those weeks (or technically- half week); where i've aged ten years.

circumstances seem to have closed in right around me and very suddenly. i find that i'm sad, overwhelmed and thoroughly confused. will pause to collect thoughts and post again later today.

monday

well another monday is here. it is awful outside after a weekend that seemed like spring. winter was bound to happen... i might as well get adjusted.

my weekend was pretty good. friday night i was alone (which was nice). i went for some coffee and quiet after work, then to half priced books, then to a meeting. afterwards, i went home and watched matrix reloaded to prepare for my imminent viewing of matrix revolutions saturday. i slept in, read, and watched the osu game at my sisters. while there, i posted some handmade jewelry on ebay for charlie brown.

as planned, i saw matrix revolutions saturday which was good. it wasn't as good as i wanted or thought it should be- but alas- sequels are never as good as their predecessor.

sunday, i watched meet the press, read, went over to see my neighbor's new house, napped talked on the phone, and eventually got some stuff done in my room. but nearly as much as i had planned.

i will write something more exciting later- but right now- that's all i got. i must say- work is bearable in light of the two short weeks that lie ahead. very grateful for the break.

passing the time**

1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.

a. finish settling into my apartment and have my room the way i like it.
b. get back into a devotional routine.
c. read through the Gospels.
d. get into a habit of blogging
e. start writting a study on job.

2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.

a. lori azzara: friend from college whom i really loved.
b. jenny salvati: ibid.
c. kristin bohley: best friend from highschool. long story.
d. vilima zjnali: my closets albanian friend that i adore who is in detroit. we haven't talked for over a year.
e. tricia janusz: a friend from highschool. we live in the same city and i wish we were friends again. we've both changed a tons since highschool and i think it would be fun to restart our friendship.

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.

a. how to speak spanish
b. how to live on less.
c. how to cook well but keep it low maintanance.
d. how to like excercise.
e. manage money really well.

4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).

a. become a philathropist for some sweet idea that i (or someone i know) thinks up that would empower the forgotten and help get them out of the cycle of poverty. or maybe help my friend ginette start her school.
b. fund a five year launch plan for a church plant in new york city (that i would want to be a part of).
c. buy an apartment in red hook.
d. be debt free and goto nursing school/ or grad school for education fulltime.
e. supplement my mom's income so she could retire.

5. List five things you do that help you relax.

a. trust the Lord when i worried about stuff rather than emotionally toss and turn about it and try to figure it all out.
b. take a bath.
c. get a massage.
d. talk about what's got me stressed out.
e. write it down so it's two dimensional instead of three.


**taken from: http://fridayfive.org/

the end of a stressful week

hello. it's friday again, the office is quiet and i have a moment to blog. we did actually get roadrunner at the apartment- so i should be able to make this more of a habit.

i have had a crazy week. things with charles have been really intense and really good at the same time and i'm grateful for the process. he is making a long trip home in early december and will hopefully return by christmas. hopefully by his birthday. i can't wait to give him his gift!!! i got him a CD of the speeches of Dr. King. Dr. King is his hero. i will miss him terribly and i'm unsure what the future holds. i do feel like i've been really prompted to give our relationship back in a real intentional way to the Lord and not bother about 'making' things happen.

my car is $900 better than it was monday of this week. you'd think i'd have a pimped up fox but i only have new rear breaks and a new front axle instead. atleast i can drive to nashville with confidence over the holiday.

i'm hoping to goto a meeting tonight at st. marks or cliffhangers. i love my meetings. they really serve to ground me in reality and what is really important- to take responsibility for my own choices, to live a life of service, and to remember that nothing is impossible with God, and most of all to love others. my friends never coddle me (not that my church friends do). i don't know what the difference is between these two setttings and how it works itself out so differently.

maybe it's that church folks don't think of their faith as being life or death. christians approach faith like life and death when it comes to evangelism- but not when it comes to their own fragility. that's what is so impressive to me about aa. it is not evangelistic. people are painfully aware of what they are capable of and there are steps to deal with your pretention and falsehood.

all i know is that i really wish church was more like program and not the other way around. i get sad when i really think about it. the bylaws of the program (the 12 traditions)- the 12th is that the program is based on 'attraction rather than promotion'. the focus is that our faith life is a life and death matter- it's not some hobby- it is a life where jn 15 is true... i can't do jack on my own.

by the way- i'm not bashing evangelism.

slackity slack slack

really- i'm not this delinquent in any other area of life.

did that fool you?

ok... so i am a bit delinquent in most areas of my life.

i will get better. i don't have internet access at home.

another friday is here and i am relieved. i will hope to accomplish a lot this weekend w/o being taxed or overtired. my number one goal is to get rest.