liadanslyre

sometimes...
i just want to fight.

back in the day i used to fight. you know... open up a good ole' fashion can of whoop ass on someone. luckily now i only threaten tire slashing. progress not perfection as they say in the rooms.

today i feel feisty. i get sick of getting peed on. i hit my peed on quota for the month and then i want to rumble. i get grumpy, short and bent out of shape over silly things.

i think it may be called passive aggression- i'm unsure.

mental note: i don't have to feel this way. i hope as i grow up i can get better at addressing things (i.e. people who pee on me), apply forgiveness, and move on.

i have recently been extra super duper duper struck by how core it is to forgive. nothing really works without forgiveness.

i know that it's totally warped- but i'm just being honest here... i think somewhere down deep- i think forgiveness is an option not a requirement.

i get into this whole 'poor me- i've been wronged' whiny bullshit and deliberate and weigh my options.**

have mercy on me! ugh!

this is why charles is so good for me. i think that i struggle with thinking that it's cool to be young and cynical. but then i meet someone like charles. and he gets it. he gets the gospel in a way that i want to. he applys it and he's joyful and it's incredibly inspiring to me.

** ironies of ironies: when i powertrip (ugly control) and withold forgiveness- there is no other attractive option for me. ultimately it is either forgiveness or isolation via bitterness.

pardon my pep talk to myself.