do you think this** is right?

i have wondered- is there validity in choosing the wrong that is more right? is the premise bogus or is there something to this rhetoric? i don't know.

please tell me what you think.

a special shout out
to lurkers.
your participation
is requested.

** note: "this" is a link to a synopsis of a story that you can downstream. hey hey to kirsten to pointing out the confusion.

+++

chewable vitamin
"we thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong. " ~ bono

chewable vitamin
"the fruit of faith is love" ~ mother teresa

quick mid day interjection

please note the new button for the sudan.
i love me the mennonites.

some of the many

things i am grateful for...

:: sobriety
:: that i'm irish
:: that sobriety doesn't make me less irish
:: salvation
:: feeling forgiven from sin
:: having a conscience
:: charles
:: that i can feel loved.
:: my mom
:: my dad
:: laurel
:: the change of seasons
:: my job
:: erica handschke
:: health insurance
:: that God doesn’t need us to have His Kingdom go forward.
:: chuck close
:: my friends
:: emerson
:: aidan
:: jack
:: nora
:: maggie
:: evelyn
:: our apartment
:: the fox
:: our church
:: our small group
:: the bible
:: that i like to read the bible right now.
:: that i feel like God hears me when i pray right now.
:: that God hears me even when i don’t feel like he does.
:: for our new bed
:: that the fee for the INS application is paid.
:: my brother
:: my sister
:: U2
:: 89.7
:: 90.5
:: for our attorney
:: for peace.
:: sleep
:: that i don't feel left out of life near as much as i used to.
:: laughter
:: that I can cry.
:: that i get to vote.
:: flowers
:: that i can be responsible and do things that i don't like to do (eg: be an "adult")
:: that i am not totally ruled by my emotions anymore.
:: books

where did the chewable vitamins go?

basically i have much more important and eloquent things to say than the literary giants and history makers of our time. that's why i quit.

today's chewable vitamin:
"you do what you've done- you'll get what you got".
~ my crazy sponsor.

three years
it's been three years today since my father passed away.

i miss him so much! i can't believe that it's been that long. in many ways it feels like so much longer- and in many ways it feels like just yesterday.

tonight the sullivan clan will celebrate with grilling out, a funny movie, and black raspberry chip graeters. we will serve at faith mission this weekend. it's become our tradition to honor his life in these simple ways.

the thing that has me stuck emotionally is that my dad and charles never met. they would've enjoyed one another i think. they both are share common concern over similar people and issues in our society.

sometimes i think that getting sober competes w/ my dad's passing for the toughest thing that i've ever done. but really i think it's a combination of both... staying sober through my dad's sickness and death is the hardest thing i've ever been through.

but in the grand scale of things- it was a bittersweet time. lots of people go through shit i can't even imagine with no sweet- just bitter. i got to be with my dad and love him and hopefully give to him as his health declined. i got to say goodbye to him and be at peace together progressively. i got to learn a little more about heaven and i'm so comforted by the knowledge that life and Followership is not just hooey- we're not just food for worms. he's got a new body and no tubes. and he may just be smoking salem lights b/c he likes them not b/c he had to. the whole season was one of a handful of eras where the rubber of my faith met the road of life.

not that my faith is a prophylactic.

a little too serious there.

on a related note- i'm thinking of going to sudan for a couple of weeks. what the hell is the hold up there? we gotta define if it meets the definition of genocide? hello???

unmet goals
i haven't read any of the books that i planned to read according to this list.

*swat hand*

must redirect efforts.

today...
i'm sweating out a fever ska tylonol. i am not barfing anymore- nor am i delirious. charles threw up on me saturday.

pure amuzement

here are some things that i have recently stumbled upon that i thought i'd post for your daily dose of laughter.

in honor of joe's abei's glory days...
ninjas rule
pimps r us

gross....
i went to pay for cheap gas using my new favorite site at a speedway the other day. just as i walked through the door, this bald man threw up everywhere but managed to hold onto his fountain drink. is that really necessary? i mean... come on now. if one can hold onto their fountain drink- why can't you make it to the trash can?

luckily my sv/ dev (sympathetic vomiting/ domino effect vomiting syndrome) did not kick in.

the man had a scar on his head and seemed disoriented and had barf hanging off his lip. he wandered to his car, got in, and drove away.
should i have stopped him? maybe he has a head injury. i thought about this scene the rest of the evening. it was the grossest thing i've seen in a while.

taulk amongest yourselves...
"it is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. if somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. but are there no exceptions to this rule? what about 'justifiable anger'? if somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? for us of aa these are dangerous exceptions. we have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it." 
~  twelve steps and twelve traditions.  p.90

leap
i did something somewhat daring.
what do i have to loose?
i linked to this woman who started her own business consulting not for profits.
emailed her and asked her if she mentors.
we're going to meet to discuss.
it's kinda exciting. i'm figuring out slowly; that i am responsible for my own development. so i'm gonna go for it.

i'll let you know how it goes.

disconnect.

: my summer squash are sick.
: i worry that i'm posting just to post.
: they're using glue on kid's skin these days instead of stiches.
: my husband is very patient with me.
: i wonder where megan was today at the party.
: i got a gardening book w/ killer pictures.
: how do blind people know where to feel for braille on an elevator?
: that thunderstorm scared the bejeezuz out of me.

i heart cheap auto repairs.
 
thank you Lord!

i wish
for magic words. 

thinking about...
psalm 34.4-5
4 I sought the LORD , and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

if i could be good at one thing...
it would be to love people.

sometimes...
i just want to fight.

back in the day i used to fight. you know... open up a good ole' fashion can of whoop ass on someone. luckily now i only threaten tire slashing. progress not perfection as they say in the rooms.

today i feel feisty. i get sick of getting peed on. i hit my peed on quota for the month and then i want to rumble. i get grumpy, short and bent out of shape over silly things.

i think it may be called passive aggression- i'm unsure.

mental note: i don't have to feel this way. i hope as i grow up i can get better at addressing things (i.e. people who pee on me), apply forgiveness, and move on.

i have recently been extra super duper duper struck by how core it is to forgive. nothing really works without forgiveness.

i know that it's totally warped- but i'm just being honest here... i think somewhere down deep- i think forgiveness is an option not a requirement.

i get into this whole 'poor me- i've been wronged' whiny bullshit and deliberate and weigh my options.**

have mercy on me! ugh!

this is why charles is so good for me. i think that i struggle with thinking that it's cool to be young and cynical. but then i meet someone like charles. and he gets it. he gets the gospel in a way that i want to. he applys it and he's joyful and it's incredibly inspiring to me.

** ironies of ironies: when i powertrip (ugly control) and withold forgiveness- there is no other attractive option for me. ultimately it is either forgiveness or isolation via bitterness.

pardon my pep talk to myself.

what i thought about fahrenheit 911**
~ by maureen okonkwo

i am very glad i went to see this movie. i think everyone should buy tickets to scooby doo 2 or whatever and sneak into see it. this movie made me think and it made me glad for the michael moore's of our society. he is an instigator who stimulates people like me to think about issues. granted- i think he's a bit of an asshole- but he is good at what he does. i think he should do a documentary on the irony of how he can whine and make films about the capitalist democratic 'regime' he lives in.

sidebar:
i always think it's kinda funny to hear people whine about our country. don't get me wrong- i don't think we're a flawless nation full of altruistic justice seeking people- but people take for granted the fact that they have a right that people fought and died to protect their freedom to whine.

anyways...
michael moore seems to be a bitter man with alot of money who works hard to come across like the guy next door. making $40K yrly. he is not the guy next store.

with all that being said- it was sobering to hear the information he had collected on the saudi bush connection. if 1/3 of the info is true- we're in bad shape.

what others are saying...
"intelligentsia"
an iraqi

**i don't like being typecast into one stereotype or another- i like to think of myself as complicated, deep and different :) so don't comment on how i'm a typical conservative or whatever. i don't know what i am and get more confused everytime i think about how i will vote in the fall.

dang it!
lost the post...
we have dsl now.
the battalion comes tomorrow (charles' fond name for my brother's family)! yeehaw!

a couple of points of learning as of late...

:: praying helps my heart not become a retaliatory machine. i don't know what i would do w/o it.
:: singing in the a.m. with my husband can change my entire perspective on life and my day. it helps me not take myself too seriously.
:: i am forming deeper convictions about how to treat people via experiencing what it's like to be mistreated. good stuff.
:: what people think of me is none of my business.

later gators!

went to see

it