the end of a stressful week

hello. it's friday again, the office is quiet and i have a moment to blog. we did actually get roadrunner at the apartment- so i should be able to make this more of a habit.

i have had a crazy week. things with charles have been really intense and really good at the same time and i'm grateful for the process. he is making a long trip home in early december and will hopefully return by christmas. hopefully by his birthday. i can't wait to give him his gift!!! i got him a CD of the speeches of Dr. King. Dr. King is his hero. i will miss him terribly and i'm unsure what the future holds. i do feel like i've been really prompted to give our relationship back in a real intentional way to the Lord and not bother about 'making' things happen.

my car is $900 better than it was monday of this week. you'd think i'd have a pimped up fox but i only have new rear breaks and a new front axle instead. atleast i can drive to nashville with confidence over the holiday.

i'm hoping to goto a meeting tonight at st. marks or cliffhangers. i love my meetings. they really serve to ground me in reality and what is really important- to take responsibility for my own choices, to live a life of service, and to remember that nothing is impossible with God, and most of all to love others. my friends never coddle me (not that my church friends do). i don't know what the difference is between these two setttings and how it works itself out so differently.

maybe it's that church folks don't think of their faith as being life or death. christians approach faith like life and death when it comes to evangelism- but not when it comes to their own fragility. that's what is so impressive to me about aa. it is not evangelistic. people are painfully aware of what they are capable of and there are steps to deal with your pretention and falsehood.

all i know is that i really wish church was more like program and not the other way around. i get sad when i really think about it. the bylaws of the program (the 12 traditions)- the 12th is that the program is based on 'attraction rather than promotion'. the focus is that our faith life is a life and death matter- it's not some hobby- it is a life where jn 15 is true... i can't do jack on my own.

by the way- i'm not bashing evangelism.