2005-12-30

goodbye 2005 - hello 2006

charles_loves_oprah
charles as he opens his favorite gift



today's chewable vitamin:
"God often uses the deeply unsettling circumstances of life to reveal the presumptive self-trust that prevails in the life of a spiritual orphan. you can detect this attitude in yourself by your response to life when it goes out of control. if you handle pain and suffering by blaming others, refusing to learn from God and becoming defensive or angry, you have the self-trust of an orphan, not the faith of a son or daughter."
~ rose marie miller

2005-12-25

merry christmas



"in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. all things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. what has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.
~ john 1.1-5
411 on image: caravaggio 1609. found here...

2005-12-22

thus far...




the holiday celebrations have been good.

i served dinner for twelve people; five of whom were eight yrs or younger in our modest two bedroom townhome. verdict is still out if that is proof that we are brave, insane or both.

i made some sort of queso-y chicken soup. it seemed to go over well. no one was hurt in the production of the meal. by the end of the evening; no walls had holes in them either. but our couch did act as a trampoline lander from the banister (sweet mother of god). we all lived to tell about it. the evening was quite fun.

my domestic muscles have been strengthening lately. this is good news for everyone. i've been working in deficit for years. i'm making bread for our neighbors for goodness sake.

i'm basically matha stewart. minus the bitchy part.

p.s.
no comments on that awesome chewable from the last post?
i'm suprised at you oh- readership.
that quote is rockin like donkin.

2005-12-20

fall closeout

ponchos
sisters in ponchos*

it is currently seven degrees outside.
i find it hard to believe that it is not officially winter.

so in honor of the final day of fall
i thought i'd recap autumn 2005 in the okonkwo family...

i purchased a food processor and make up excuses to chop stuff up in it. we went to an apple orchard and picked apples. our friend chelsea got pregnant and we're estatic for her! our friend jess got pregnant and we're estatic for her (it's in the water). we got a new car. our friend anne married gino. anne's brother and our friend dave got engaged. i conspired to see the u2 show and won. i plotted to bless some srippers near our church and the verdict is still out. i killed a 'hearty mum'. i had a clean biopsy that scared the hell out of me. i shared a fifth step. i got a raise at work. i made a new friend named jen. i got a label maker and made labels compulsively on the weekends. we had friends over for dinner. we went over to friend's home to have dinner. we stayed up late. we got a dispatch subscription. we slept in late. we prayed for direction for our lives and we got some answers. made composter from trashcan. my witch friend at work left the company but was still given a vodoo doll for a holiday gift. we paid off the last of my consumer debt. my friend lori and her husband welcomed a new baby into their family. i feel officially on the mend from damamging and disoreinting work situations in the recent past that undercut my confidence that i have something to contribute professionally.

* this is the kind of thing that makes me feel like a crap aunt. aunt suzi made these ponchos for the girls.
i can't knit- but i can make funny animal noises...

today's chewable vitamin
"the most exhasuting thing in life is being insincere." ~anne linberg



2005-12-15

in a little while...

bono_vertigo
taken from happy scott's flickr page...

look...
the show was absolutely fantastic.
i loved the entire day thouroughly and immensely.

charles didn't go. that was the only draw back. we got new tires on the fox b/c i got the bejezuz scared out of me w/ balled tires in snow. cashflow babee. cashflow. but that's another story and this post is about how i love u2 more and more with every dose.

lets see...
:: i got what were probably considered terrible seats. but didn't mind.
:: i got beer thrown in my hair. but didn't mind.
:: some drunk guy proposed to me. but didn't mind. (i looked really good by the way)
:: i got weepy during the opener (city of blinding lights).
:: stood from start to finish.

i ended up going w/ my friend jennifer. we had a great time and pulled into columbus around 3am. we got my ticket off craig's list. which i highly endorse. worth every cent. had a wonderfully shady indian meal near gund arena beforehand and had wonderful conversation throughout.

i love that the band continues to entertain w/ the best of them but is not simply a spectator's groupie type band. there were a number of visual references to earlier stuff, and direct references within their set list (gloria made it on (!!!)). the only thing i would of wished different (other than the aforementioned presence of the most wonderful charles) would be a simular arragement for yahew. the one they played wasn't as good (imho). closing out w/ 40 took some of the sting away.

a night i won't soon forget.

my apologies for the delayed update.

tags: u2

2005-12-07

u2

this weekend, we are going to see u2 in cleveland.

to say i'm excited is the understatement of the year.

we are going w/o tickets and hopeful that we will be able to purchase them there for a reasonable price. if you know of tickets for sale, please let me know.

this will be my third time seeing them. it will be charles' first.

the indoctrination continues...
stay tuned.

i've included this great interview for your reading pleasure...

tags: u2

+++

taken from rolling stone


"The story of Bono and his band is a story of commitment to one another -- after twenty-nine years, they remain a remarkably stable unit -- and to the greater causes of social justice on which Bono has staked his reputation. Bono gives us a vision of how tomorrow can be better than today. He appeals to something greater than ourselves. He tells the story of his life and struggles in terms everyone can understand. He speaks about faith in a way that even a nonbeliever can embrace. "The New York Times Magazine" called him "a one-man state who fills his treasury with the global currency of fame . . . the most politically effective figure in the recent history of popular culture."

Our talks range from the early history of the band, to his admiration of hip-hop, to his troubled relationship with his father. Bono is the rare major artist who speaks of his life and work with candor and transparency. He can be as harsh on the subject of his own albums as any rock critic. The interview here represents perhaps twenty percent of our conversation. But for Bono, that conversation never ends -- he means to involve his audience in it for as long as he can, and we are all the better for it. --J.S.W.

First off: Where do you get those sunglasses?

Bulgari. A lot of people think that, when they see a "B" on the side, that it's just my own megalomania. Only half the time it is. I'm the Imelda Marcos of sunglasses.

Why do you wear them all the time?
Very sensitive eyes to light. If somebody takes my photograph, I will see the flash for the rest of the day. My right eye swells up. I've a blockage there, so that my eyes go red a lot. So it's part vanity, it's part privacy and part sensitivity.

I. GROWING UP

What was your childhood in Dublin like?

I grew up in what you would call a lower-middle-class neighborhood. You don't have the equivalent in America. Upper working class? But a nice street and good people. And, yet, if I'm honest, a sense that violence was around the corner.

Home was a pretty regular three-bedroom house. The third bedroom, about the size of a cupboard, they called the "box room" -- which was my room. Mother departed the household early: died at the graveside of her own father. So I lost my grandfather and my mother in a few days, and then it became a house of men. And three, it turns out, quite macho men -- and all that goes with that. The aggression thing is something I'm still working at. That level of aggression, both outside and inside, is not normal or appropriate.

You're this bright, struggling teenager, and you're in this place that looks like it has very few possibilities for you. The general attitude toward you from your father -- and just the Irish attitude -- was "Who the fuck do you think you are? Get real." Is that correct?

Bob Hewson -- my father -- comes from the inner city of Dublin. A real Dublin man but loves the opera. Must be a little grandiose himself, OK? He is an autodidact, conversant in Shakespeare. His passion is music -- he's a great tenor. The great sadness of his life was that he didn't learn the piano. Oddly enough, kids not really encouraged to have big ideas, musically or otherwise. To dream was to be disappointed. Which, of course, explains my megalomania.
I was a bright kid, all right, early on. Then, in my teenage years, I went through a sort of awkward phase of thinking I was stupid. My schoolwork goes to shit; I can't concentrate. I started to believe the world outside. Music was my revenge on that.
I got the sense that it was kind of a dead-end situation.

Its blandness -- its very grayness -- is the thing you have to overcome. We had a street gang that was very vivid -- very surreal. We were fans of Monty Python. We'd put on performances in the city center of Dublin. I'd get on the bus with a stepladder and an electric drill. Mad shit. Humor became our weapon. Just stand there, quiet -- with the drill in my hand. Stupid teenage shit.

Just to provoke people? Performance art?

Performance art. We invented this world, which we called Lipton Village. We were teenagers when we came up with this, a way of fighting back against the prevailing bootboy mentality.
Were there a lot of fights?

Oh, yeah. The order of the day was often being beaten to within an inch of your life by roaming gangs from one of the other neighborhoods. When they asked where you were from, you had to guess right -- or suffer. The harder they hit us, the more strange and surreal the response.
You were like the freaky kids?

Yeah. Gavin Friday -- who's doing the music for the 50 Cent movie now -- was the most surreal-looking. He had an Eraserhead haircut; he wore dresses and bovver boots. I mean, myself and my other friend Guggi -- we're still very close friends -- were handy enough. We could defend ourselves. But even though some of us became pretty good at violence ourselves, others didn't. They got the shit kicked out of 'em. I thought that was kind of normal. I can remember incredible street battles. I remember one madser with an iron bar, just trying to bring it down on my skull as hard as he possibly could, and holding up a dustbin lid, which saved my life. Teenage kids have no sense of mortality -- yours or theirs.

So that was your teen rebellion?

I don't know if that was rebellion. That was a defense mechanism. We used to laugh at people drinking. We didn't drink. Because people who spilled out of the pubs on a Friday night and threw up on the laneway -- we thought we were better than them.

You were the smart-kid clique?

We were a collection of outsiders. We weren't all the clever clogs. If you had a good record collection, that helped. And if you didn't play soccer. That was part of it. Now, when you look back, there's an arrogance to it; it's like you're looking down, really . . .

At the jocks?

At the jocks, at the skinheads, at the bootboys. Maybe it's the same arrogance my father had, who's listening to opera and likes cricket. Because it separates him.

You wrote an extraordinary song about your father, "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own." When I spoke to Edge this week, he said that you're turning into your dad.

He was an amazing and very funny man. You had to be quick to live around him. But I don't think I'm like him. I have a very different relationship with my kids than he had with me. He didn't really have one with me. He generally thought that no one was as smart as him in the room. You know that Johnny Cash song "A Boy Named Sue" where he gives the kid a girl's name, and the kid is beaten up at every stage in his life by macho guys, but in the end he becomes the toughest man.

You're the boy named Sue?

By not encouraging me to be a musician, even though that's all he ever wanted to be, he's made me one. By telling me never to have big dreams or else, that to dream is to be disappointed, he made me have big dreams. By telling me that the band would only last five minutes or ten minutes -- we're still here.

It seems there's some power in this relationship that's beyond the ordinary father-son story. You were probably one of the most difficult children to have around.

I must've been a bit difficult.

He was trying to raise two children without a mother. And here you are, unforgiving and unrelenting, showing up at all hours, in drag and with all kinds of weird people. I think it's amazing he put up with you and he didn't just throw you the fuck out. Do you ever feel guilty about how you treated him?

No, not until I fucking met you! He loved a row. Christmas Day at our house was just one long argument. We were shouting all the time -- my brother, me and then my uncles and aunts. He had a sense of moral indignation, that attitude of "You don't have to put up with this shit." He was very wise politically. He was from the left, but you know, he praised the guy on the right.
The more you talk about it, the more it sounds like you're describing yourself.
That is a very interesting way of looking at it, and I think there'll be a lot of people who might agree with you. I loved my dad. But we were combatants. Right until the end. Actually, his last words were an expletive. I was sleeping on a little mattress right beside him in the hospital. I woke up, and he made this big sound, this kind of roar, it woke me up. The nurse comes in and says, "You OK, Bob?" He kind of looks at her and whispers, "Would you fuck off and get me out of here? This place is like a prison. I want to go home." Last words: "Fuck off."

II. A MUSICAL EDUCATION

What were the first rock & roll records that you heard?

Age four. The Beatles -- "I Want to Hold Your Hand." I guess that's 1964. I remember watching the Beatles with my brother on St. Stephen's Day, the day after Christmas. The sense of a gang that they had about them, from just what I've been saying, you can tell that connected, as well as the melodic power, the haircuts and the sexuality. Which I was just probably processing.
Then performers like Tom Jones. I'd see Tom Jones on Saturday night on a variety show -- I must have been, like, eight years old -- and he's sweating, and he's an animal, and he's unrestrained. He's singing with abandon. He has a big black voice, in a white guy. And then, of course, Elvis.

I'm thinking, what is this? Because this is changing the temperature of the room. And people stopped talking.

When did you run across Elvis?

I might have heard the songs, but it was the Comeback Special, when he was standing up -- because he couldn't sit down to play. The thing was: He's not in control of this -- this is in control of him. The abandon was really attractive.

Who else had a big impact on you, musically, when you were that age?

Before I got to the Who, the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin, and those kinds of things -- I really remember John Lennon's Imagine. I guess I'm twelve; that's one of my first albums. That really set fire to me. It was like he was whispering in your ear -- his ideas of what's possible. Different ways of seeing the world. When I was fourteen and lost my mother, I went back to Plastic Ono Band.

Bob Dylan at the same time. Listened to his acoustic albums. Then starting to think about playing those acoustic songs. My brother had a Beatles songbook -- so trying to teach myself guitar, and him sort of helping.

And that song -- which is actually such a genius song, now that I think about it, you're embarrassed the day after you learned it -- "If I Had a Hammer." That's a tattoo, that song.
That was the first song you learned how to play?

"If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning/I'd hammer in the evening/All over this land/I'd hammer out justice/I'd hammer out freedom/Love between my brothers and my sisters/All over this land." Fantastic. A manifesto, right there.

You're still doing the same song.

[Laughs] Right.

And so all that stuff was going on in London in the Sixties: the Beatles, the Stones, the Who, the Kinks. What kind of influence was that on you?

The Who: About age fifteen, that starts really connecting. In amongst the din and the noise, the power chords and the rage, there's another voice. "Nobody knows what it's like behind blue eyes . . ." And the beginnings of what I would discover is one of the essential aspects for me -- and why I'm drawn to a piece of music -- which has something to do with the quest. The sense that there's another world to be explored. I got that from Pete Townshend; I got that from Bob Dylan.

"Imagine" is the first really powerful thing to you?

Imagine and Bob Dylan. "Blowin' in the Wind" -- all that stuff -- and the folksy thing. Which is, I suppose, what set me up for John Lennon.

Dylan set you up for John Lennon?

Because it's folk. If you're interested in folk, in words and whisperings, that quiet thing. I was in my room listening on headphones on a tape recorder. It's very intimate. It's like talking to somebody on the phone, like talking to John Lennon on the phone. I'm not exaggerating to say that. This music changed the shape of the room. It changed the shape of the world outside the room; the way you looked out the window and what you were looking at.

I remember John singing "Oh My Love." It's like a little hymn. It's certainly a prayer of some kind -- even if he was an atheist. "Oh, my love/For the first time in my life/My eyes can see/I see the wind/Oh, I see the trees/Everything is clear in our world." For me it was like he was talking about the veil lifting off, the scales falling from the eyes. Seeing out the window with a new clarity that love brings you. I remember that feeling.

Yoko came up to me when I was in my twenties, and she put her hand on me and she said, "You are John's son." What an amazing compliment!

About the band, you said, "We come from punk." What does that mean?

Now, it's 1976. I was in school. It was the obnoxious-teenager phase. Schoolwork's gone to shit, angry, living at home with two men. My friends are all gonna have big futures, 'cause they're very clever. I'm probably not gonna be able to concentrate enough to be that clever.
I've always had these melodies in my head. In quiet times -- at the local club, in a church hall -- if I'm beside a piano, I put my finger on a key. I figured that if I press a pedal under that -- boom -- this note can fill the whole hall. Reverb, you know. It turns this church into a cathedral. I hear a rhyme for the note in my head -- I really do. I can find another note that sounds good with it -- but I've had no way to express it.

Then a note appears from this kid twenty-nine years ago last Saturday. Like really a kid -- he's fourteen, and I'm sixteen. He wants to start a band. He plays the drums. So my friend Reggie Manuel says, "You have to go." He puts me on the back of his motorcycle, and he takes me out to this suburban house, where Larry Mullen lives. Larry is in this tiny kitchen, and he's got his drum kit set up. And there's a few other boys. There's Dave Evans -- a kinda brainy-looking kid -- who's fifteen. And his brother Dick -- even brainier-looking -- who's built his own guitar. He's a rocket scientist -- a card-carrying genius.

Larry starts playing the kit -- it's an amazing sound, just hit the cymbal. Edge hit a guitar chord which I'd never heard on electric guitar. I mean, it is the open road. Kids started coming from all around the place -- all girls. They know that Larry lives there. They're already screaming; they're already climbing up the door. He was completely used to this, we discover, and he's taking the hose to them already. Literally, the garden hose. And so that starts. Within a month I start going out with Ali. I mean, I had met her before, but I ask her out.

That was a good month.

Yes, a very good month. What's interesting is, in the months leading up to this, I was probably at the lowest ebb in my life. I was feeling just teenage angst. I didn't know if I wanted to continue living -- that kind of despair. I was praying to a God I didn't know was listening.
Were you influenced by punk rock then?

No, this has nothing to do with punk. This is September of '76. Punk has just started in London that summer. Adam [Clayton] goes to London the next summer. London was burning. And he comes back with the Stranglers, the Jam, the Clash. Oddly enough, though, in our very first rehearsals, we were talking about what music we should play. Everyone got to make suggestions. I wanted to play the Rolling Stones, from the High Tide and Green Grass era, and the Beach Boys. I was getting tired of the hard-rock thing.

Hard-rock being . . .

Big hair and extended guitar solos. I was saying, "Let's get back to this rock & roll thing." Then people said, "Oh, have you heard the Clash?" And then seeing the Jam on Top of the Pops in '76, just going, "They're our age! This is possible." Then the Radiators From Space -- our local punk band -- had a song called . . . "Telecaster" or something: "Gonna push my Telecaster through the television screen/'Cause I don't like what's going down." And it's a twelve-bar thing -- so you can play it.

How far into the band are you now?

It's just occasional rehearsing. We're playing the Eagles. We're playing the Moody Blues. But it turns out we're really crap at it. We actually aren't able to play other people's songs. The one Stones song we tried to play was "Jumpin' Jack Flash." It was really bad. So we started writing our own -- it was easier.

Were the Ramones the big punk influence on you? Or the Clash?


More Ramones than the Clash -- though we saw the Clash first, in '77, in Dublin, and it was extraordinary. There was an air of violence, the sense that somebody could die. But their music didn't connect with us the same way that the Ramones did.

What connected about the Ramones?
I didn't have the gravel or the gravitas of Joe Strummer. Joey Ramone sang like Dusty Springfield . . . It was a melodic voice like mine.

Was David Bowie a big influence?

Gigantic, the English Elvis. Bowie was much more responsible for the aesthetic of punk rock than he's been given credit for, like, in fact, most interesting things in the Seventies and Eighties. I put his pictures up in my bedroom. We played "Suffragette City" in that first wedding-band phase.

We started to listen to Patti Smith; Edge starts listening to Tom Verlaine. And, suddenly, those punk chords are just not the only alternative. Now we've got a different kinda language and we started finding different colors, other than the primary ones.

III. A SPIRITUAL LIFE

What role did religion play in your childhood?

I knew that we were different on our street because my mother was Protestant. And that she'd married a Catholic. At a time of strong sectarian feeling in the country, I knew that was special. We didn't go to the neighborhood schools -- we got on a bus. I picked up the courage they had to have had to follow through on their love.

Did you feel religious when you went to church?

Even then I prayed more outside of the church than inside. It gets back to the songs I was listening to; to me, they were prayers. "How many roads must a man walk down?" That wasn't a rhetorical question to me. It was addressed to God. It's a question I wanted to know the answer to, and I'm wondering, who do I ask that to? I'm not gonna ask a schoolteacher. When John Lennon sings, "Oh, my love/For the first time in my life/My eyes are wide open" -- these songs have an intimacy for me that's not just between people, I realize now, not just sexual intimacy. A spiritual intimacy.

Who is God to you at that point in your life?
I don't know. I would rarely be asking these questions inside the church. I see lovely nice people hanging out in a church. Occasionally, when I'm singing a hymn like . . . oh, if I can think of a good one . . . oh, "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross" or "Be Thou My Vision," something would stir inside of me. But, basically, religion left me cold.

Your early songs are about being confused, about trying to find spirituality at an age when most anybody else your age would be writing about girls and trouble.

Yeah. We sorta did it the other way around.

You skipped "I Want to Hold Your Hand," and you went right . . .


. . . Into the mystic. Van Morrison would be the inverse, in terms of the journey. It's this turbulent period at fifteen, sixteen, and the electrical storms that come at that age.

There was also my friend Guggi. His parents were not just Protestant, they were some obscure cult of Protestant. In America, it would be Pentecostal. His father was like a creature from the Old Testament. He spoke constantly of the Scriptures and had the sense that the end was nigh -- and to prepare for it.

You were living with his family?

Yes. I'd go to church with them too. Though myself and Guggi are laughing at the absurdity of some of this, the rhetoric is getting through to us. We don't realize it, but we're being immersed in the Holy Scriptures. That's what we took away from this: this rich language, these ancient tracts of wisdom.

So is that why you were writing such serious songs when you're nineteen?

Here's the strange bit: Most of the people that you grew up with in black music had a similar baptism of the spirit, right? The difference is that most of these performers felt they could not express their sexuality before God. They had to turn away. So rock & roll became backsliders' music. They were running away from God. But I never believed that. I never saw it as being a choice, an either/or thing.

You never saw rock & roll -- the so-called devil's music -- as incompatible with religion?
Look at the people who have formed my imagination. Bob Dylan. Nineteen seventy-six -- he's going through similar stuff. You buy Patti Smith: Horses -- "Jesus died for somebody's sins/But not mine . . ." And she turns Van Morrison's "Gloria" into liturgy. She's wrestling with these demons -- Catholicism in her case. Right the way through to Wave, where she's talking to the pope.

The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt. So the blues, on one hand -- running away; gospel, the Mighty Clouds of Joy -- running towards. And later you came to analyze it and figure it out.

The blues are like the Psalms of David. Here was this character, living in a cave, whose outbursts were as much criticism as praise. There's David singing, "Oh, God -- where are you when I need you?/You call yourself God?" And you go, this is the blues.

Both deal with the relationship with God. That's really it. I've since realized that anger with God is very valid. We wrote a song about that on the Pop album -- people were confused by it -- "Wake Up Dead Man": "Jesus, help me/I'm alone in this world/And a fucked-up world it is, too/Tell me, tell me the story /The one about eternity/And the way it's all gonna be/Wake up, dead man."

Soon after starting the band you joined a Bible-study group -- you and Larry and Edge -- called the Shalom. What brought that on?

We were doing street theater in Dublin, and we met some people who were madder than us. They were a kind of inner-city group living life like it was the first century A.D.
They were expectant of signs and wonders; lived a kind of early-church religion. It was a commune. People who had cash shared it. They were passionate, and they were funny, and they seemed to have no material desires. Their teaching of the Scriptures reminded me of those people whom I'd heard as a youngster with Guggi. I realize now, looking back, that it was just insatiable intellectual curiosity.

But it got a little too intense, as it always does; it became a bit of a holy huddle. And these people -- who are full of inspirational teaching and great ideas -- they pretended that our dress, the way we looked, didn't bother them. But very soon it appeared that was not the case. They started asking questions about the music we were listening to. Why are you wearing earrings? Why do you have a mohawk?
How did you end up leaving that?
I think we just went on tour.
And forgot to come back?

Well, we'd visit. If you were going to study the teaching, it demanded a rejection of the world. Even then we understood that you can't escape the world, wherever you go. Least of all in very intense religious meetings -- which can be more corrupt and more bent, in terms of the pressures they exert on people, than the outside forces.

What draws you so deeply to Martin Luther King?

So now -- cut to 1980. Irish rock group, who've been through the fire of a certain kind of revival, a Christian-type revival, go to America. Turn on the TV the night you arrive, and there's all these people talking from the Scriptures. But they're quite obviously raving lunatics.

Suddenly you go, what's this? And you change the channel. There's another one. You change the channel, and there's another secondhand-car salesman. You think, oh, my God. But their words sound so similar . . . to the words out of our mouths.

So what happens? You learn to shut up. You say, whoa, what's this going on? You go oddly still and quiet. If you talk like this around here, people will think you're one of those. And you realize that these are the traders -- as in t-r-a-d-e-r-s -- in the temple.

Until you get to the black church, and you see that they have similar ideas. But their religion seems to be involved in social justice; the fight for equality. And a Rolling Stone journalist, Jim Henke, who has believed in you more than anyone up to this point, hands you a book called Let the Trumpet Sound -- which is the biography of Dr. King. And it just changes your life.

Even though I'm a believer, I still find it really hard to be around other believers: They make me nervous, they make me twitch. I sorta watch my back. Except when I'm with the black church. I feel relaxed, feel at home; my kids -- I can take them there; there's singing, there's music.

What is your religious belief today? What is your concept of God?

If I could put it simply, I would say that I believe there's a force of love and logic in the world, a force of love and logic behind the universe. And I believe in the poetic genius of a creator who would choose to express such unfathomable power as a child born in "straw poverty"; i.e., the story of Christ makes sense to me.

How does it make sense?

As an artist, I see the poetry of it. It's so brilliant. That this scale of creation, and the unfathomable universe, should describe itself in such vulnerability, as a child. That is mind-blowing to me. I guess that would make me a Christian. Although I don't use the label, because it is so very hard to live up to. I feel like I'm the worst example of it, so I just kinda keep my mouth shut.

Do you pray or have any religious practices?
I try to take time out of every day, in prayer and meditation. I feel as at home in a Catholic cathedral as in a revival tent. I also have enormous respect for my friends who are atheists, most of whom are, and the courage it takes not to believe.

How big an influence is the Bible on your songwriting? How much do you draw on its imagery, its ideas?

It sustains me.

As a belief, or as a literary thing?

As a belief. These are hard subjects to talk about because you can sound like such a dickhead. I'm the sort of character who's got to have an anchor. I want to be around immovable objects. I want to build my house on a rock, because even if the waters are not high around the house, I'm going to bring back a storm. I have that in me. So it's sort of underpinning for me.

I don't read it as a historical book. I don't read it as, "Well, that's good advice." I let it speak to me in other ways. They call it the rhema. It's a hard word to translate from Greek, but it sort of means it changes in the moment you're in. It seems to do that for me.

You're saying it's a living thing?

It's a plumb line for me. In the Scriptures, it is self-described as a clear pool that you can see yourself in, to see where you're at, if you're still enough. I'm writing a poem at the moment called "The Pilgrim and His Lack of Progress." I'm not sure I'm the best advertisement for this stuff.

What do you think of the evangelical movement that we see in the United States now?

I'm wary of faith outside of actions. I'm wary of religiosity that ignores the wider world. In 2001, only seven percent of evangelicals polled felt it incumbent upon themselves to respond to the AIDS emergency. This appalled me. I asked for meetings with as many church leaders as would have them with me. I used my background in the Scriptures to speak to them about the so-called leprosy of our age and how I felt Christ would respond to it. And they had better get to it quickly, or they would be very much on the other side of what God was doing in the world.
Amazingly, they did respond. I couldn't believe it. It almost ruined it for me -- 'cause I love giving out about the church and Christianity. But they actually came through: Jesse Helms, you know, publicly repents for the way he thinks about AIDS.

I've started to see this community as a real resource in America. I have described them as "narrow-minded idealists." If you can widen the aperture of that idealism, these people want to change the world. They want their lives to have meaning. And it's one of the things that the Democratic Party has missed out on. You know, so much of the moral high ground in the past was Democratic: FDR, RFK, Cesar Chavez. Now I suppose it's Hillary's passion for cheaper medical care. And Teddy Kennedy, of course."

2005-12-05

today's chewable vitamin:




"for every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root."
> henry david thoreau

2005-12-01

world aids day

lesion

what will you do?
what will i do?
what will we do?

today's chewable vitamin
"i used to be a Christian. but i converted to islam. it wasn't because i'm a muslim, but because i am going to die. i need to know that somebody is taking care of my children. muslim boarding schools are free. Christian schools cost money. i am poor. i have no money. at least someone is taking care of my children. my husband is dead. what can i do? i have no other alternative."

:: nadine rudd, 30: swaziland

2005-11-28

it seems to me

that protestants compensate for the cult of mary by understating how cool mary is...
i suppose it's all about balance.

i just want to say that i heart mary.

we had a good thanksgiving and hope you did too.

today's chewable vitamin:
46 And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord 47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 48 for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, 49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name. 50 His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. 51 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. 52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. 53 He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. 54 He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful 55 to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers."
~ luke 1.46-55

2005-11-24

happy thanksgiving


image taken from...
rion.nu:


1 Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to the LORD : "I will sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea.
2 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.

3 The LORD is a warrior; the LORD is his name. 4 Pharaoh's chariots and his army he has hurled into the sea. The best of Pharaoh's officers are drowned in the Red Sea.

5 The deep waters have covered them; they sank to the depths like a stone. 6 "Your right hand, O LORD, was majestic in power. Your right hand, O LORD, shattered the enemy.

7 In the greatness of your majesty you threw down those who opposed you. You unleashed your burning anger; it consumed them like stubble. 8 By the blast of your nostrils the waters piled up. The surging waters stood firm like a wall; the deep waters congealed in the heart of the sea.
9 "The enemy boasted, 'I will pursue, I will overtake them. I will divide the spoils; I will gorge myself on them. I will draw my sword and my hand will destroy them.' 10 But you blew with your breath, and the sea covered them. They sank like lead in the mighty waters.

11 "Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? 12 You stretched out your right hand and the earth swallowed them. 13 "In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling. 14 The nations will hear and tremble;anguish will grip the people of Philistia.

15 The chiefs of Edom will be terrified, the leaders of Moab will be seized with trembling, the people of Canaan will melt away; 16 terror and dread will fall upon them. By the power of your arm they will be as still as a stone— until your people pass by, O LORD, until the people you bought pass by.

17 You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of your inheritance— the place, O LORD, you made for your dwelling, the sanctuary, O Lord, your hands established.
18 The LORD will reign for ever and ever."

~ exodus 15.1-18

2005-11-21

library_laurel&me

this is me an laurel at the the ghpl...
taken w/ camera phone
(sorry- i was having technical difficulties earlier- but it's fixed now.)

weekend
i work only two days this week and then have five consecutive days off. i am looking forward to it immensely. i plan to do a lot of nothing.

we had a good weekend. here were some of the contents.

: the buckeyes won. which was good.

: we had our recently engaged friends dave and sara over for dinner.

: we went to anne and gino's and had fun. we solved all the world's problems and felt very accomplished.

: i made some kick ass chilli.

: i had a nice conversation w/ lyndi.

: i got some great input and persepctive on my life from two very wise older women in my life.

: we did some seasonal deep cleaning.

: i watched charlie and the chocolate factory and didn't like it so much.

: i slept in one day.

: i had an 'ah ha moment' when i was reminded that i can act my way into right thinking and that i don't have to entertain and nurture every thought and emotion that comes to mind. these are good things for me to remember. and yes- sometimes cliches actually work on me.

: i converted a trashcan to a composter and started a compost pile.

i would like to have more hyper-links in this post.
but lyndi will have to suffice for now.

have a good week!

today's chewable vitamin:

"a time comes when silence is betrayal. some of us who have already begun to break the silence of the night have found that the calling to speak is often a vocation of agony, but we must speak. we must speak out with all the humility that is appropriate to our limited vision, but we must speak." ~ mlk

2005-11-18

sully_girls
this is andrea, maggie and nora. our family's contigent in nashville.

autumn is in full swing. i don't want it to end...
lots of different things going on lately.
here are some of them.

i'm going to the u2 concert with or without you.
i may have company, i may not. either way, i'm going.
here are some additional things on my mind lately...

now, i realize that this is old news-
but these are some other things on my mind lately that i've been perculating on:

i think it is fantabulous that athletes are held accountable for thier attitudes and words. i hope this is a trend.

here are some links to scary reports about the US military using chemical weapons in iraq.

still following this fairly peaceful and hopefully democratic election in west africa.

also praying for things in darfur to progress for the better.
have mercy oh God, have mercy.

and is it bad that i pray that richard mugabe will die soon?
my projection is that after his death;
it will come to light that zimbabwe surpasses our worse nightmares w/ the aids problem

a quick shout out to my old friend marsha who finally started blogging.

today's chewable vitamin:
"discipleship is not limited to what you can understand – it must transcend all comprehension. plunge into the deep waters beyond your own understanding, and i will help you to comprehend.
bewilderment is the true comprehension. not to know where you are going is the true knowledge. in this way Abraham went forth from his father, not knowing where he was going. that is the way of the cross. you cannot find it in yourself, so you must let me lead you as though you were a blind man.

not the work which you choose, not the suffering you devise, but the road which is contrary to all that you choose or contrive or desire – that is the road you must take. it is to this path that i call you, and in this sense that you must be my disciple."
~ martin luther taken from bruderhof's daily digs

2005-11-14

EJ_Sirleaf
ellen johnson-sirleaf liberia's new president.

a gratitude list...
in no particular order:

my family.
jesus
the 12 steps
my sister is healthy
laurel
the library.
sleep
down comforters
central heating
hot water heaters
indoor plumming
affortable rent.
prayer and connection w/ the Lord
our church
the Church
chipoltle
pad thai
u2
our incomes
hope
direction
friends
paid time off
health insurance.
forgiveness
perspective


today's chewable vitamin
19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
~ dueteronomy 30.19-20

2005-11-03


this is a picture of anne and gino

i am posting this picture of our friend's gino and anne.
they just got married in september.
i'm posting their picture for no particular reason other than to put a post up.
i don't have lots to say.

i know i don't talk much about work here, but this week compels me to say that if you ever crave an upclose and personal version of jerry springer; please be sure to stop by my place of employment. you will not be disappointed. these things really do happen in real life. i really don't have the imagination to make up the stuff that goes on here...

other than that, life has been both rich and full lately and i have lots to be grateful for!

hope all is well with you and yours...

2005-10-24

cck_u2.5

this is me living vicariously through my friends chris and chelsea that saw u2 at madison square garden

this is an actual picture they took at the concert.
they were that close.

lots going on in the coming weeks.
posting might be sparse.
this is not a publicity stunt.

if you think of it- please pray for me and charles.

thanks lots my peeps.

2005-10-19

us_at_anneginoswedding

clarify...
i truly believe stevie wonder's superstition to be one of the finest soul songs ever recorded.

if i am sad, you can play it for me and i will breakdance for you.
involuntarily.

this is a truth that stands in the equally true statement that i have zero desire to buy mr. wonder's new album.

today's chewable vitamin:
"rob. top 5 musical crimes perpetrated by stevie wonder in the 80s and 90s.
go.
sub-question:
is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins...
is it better to burn out or fade awaaay?"
~ barry (jack black) from high fidelity.

2005-10-13

American-Apartheid-Education1sep05


twenty posts in one
i got a lot on my mind lately. unfortunately, i don't have my usual constant access to a computer- so this dump post will have to suffice. here is an assortment of the things on my mind. they include, happy things, sad things, things that make me nervous, and things that make me angry.

some things i am happy about...
my friend lori (from college) is in china right now to bring her daughter bethany home.
i found a site that only reports happy news. i like.
and john is in cambodia.

things that make me angry...
the situation in darfur worsens while the united states u.n. abassador stands in the way of progress.

bill bennett is fully of crap and not enough people know it. book of virtues my ass... and the secretary of education to boot? he claims his quote(from his radio show late last month) was taken out of context and won't apologize (you can read more about the context here...). if nothing else, he should apologize for the lack of dicernment one must have to use the 'example' that he used to prove a point. what an bullheaded idiot. you can read more here, here and here

some things that make me sad...
harpers article by jonathan kozol. if you're not reading kozol- you should be. he is truly the voice in the desert about issues on education in underserved areas of our country.

some things that make me nervous...
lagos. from accounts we're hearing from family, the unrest in lagos lately is worrisome. please pray for our family's saftey.

president bush doesn't hate poor people- he's just indifferent to them... the senate was pitched a cut to food stamp dollars last week. this is the solution of a 'fiscally conservative' bush adminstration instead of raising taxes to pay for katrina recovery. except the administration has planned to cut funds long ago. using katrina will just make it more palladable. this is not a good idea.

SIDE BAR RANT... read this interesting list. activism and knowledge are good and neccessary things for amercians to have when it comes to poverty. but clearly, that's not enough. i am growing to really 'get' that we need(and pardon my perhaps inapproapirate use of my limited greek)- epignosis and not just gnosis when it comes to issues like poverty. we all need the expereince of knowing people who need the NFSP and help apply for those services. i want a heart knowledge of poverty.

today's chewable vitamin:
“each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope... building a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance." ~ robert f. kennedy

2005-10-07

updates:

i was a crazy kid last night and stayed up to watch conan. i love conan but i seldom watch anymore b/c i'm too old to stay up that late. but as you probably know the entire hour was with U2- and i couldn't help myself. i am paying for it today b/c my eyelids are involuntarily closing b/c they are heavy with sleep- or lack there of...

needless to say, just when you think you couldn't love your first love anymore than you already do- it goes deeper and wider. watching u2 last night reaffirmed to me just how astute of a eleven year old i was in 1984.

unfortunatley, bono didn't win the noble peace prize. nor did jeffery sachs. but you can read about the guy that did here... a worthy man for sure. i am disappointed nonetheless.

tonight, i will be with the lovely three and a half year old named laurel. we will do our nails and sing some songs and have lots of fun. i am looking forward to it.

charles has his intensive this weekend and will be m.i.a.. other plans include, but are not limited to, going to the harvest festival at the north market, cleaning, filing, organizing, reading and walking through piles of leaves to hear that great sound they make. i will be recooping from one of the biggest downer weeks i've had in a while.

today's chewable vitamin:

"one of the greatest injustices we do to our young people is to ask them to be conservative. Christianity is not conservative, but revolutionary. to be conservative today is to miss the whole point, for conservatisim means to stand in the flow of the status quo, and the status quo no longer belongs to us... if we want to be fair, we must teach the young to be revolutionaries, revolutionaries aginst the status quo." ~ francis schaeffer

2005-10-04

how come i didn't know
that lauryn hill totally rawks the house?


oh- and maggie turned four and had a tea party to celebrate!

i love you maggie!

maggie's tea party


today's chewable vitamin

"1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!

9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. "
philippians 2. 1-11




2005-09-29

things i've been thinking about and up to lately...
:: my bike was stolen. in grandview no less.
:: we bought a new (to us) car. i'm just glad the whole process is behind us. it's great to see charles so happy.
:: if anyone knows anything about other platforms (wordpress/ blogsome in particular)- let me know. i'd be interested in hearing.
:: i've been thinking about how if we move from columbus and come back in five years, there's a good chance that i will not recognize grandview. it makes me sad.
:: i had a near death experience with my palm pilot. the verdict is still out if it is out of commission permanently.
:: i've been listening to my prince trilogy lately. i can't believe how good i am at rocking out and lipscreaming.
:: my sister, who is a freeloader (that is- she apparently reads daily- but NEVER comments); has complained that i am not posting often enough for her liking. i will try to rectify the situation.

:: i haven't posted much lately b/c i don't have much to say.
:: i am considering conducting some interviews and posting them here. maybe a madlib format? or maybe not...

chewable vitamin:
"free me from the evil passions and heal my heart of all disordered love so that once i am interiorly healed and purified i may become more ready to love You, stronger to endure suffering for You, and more steadfast in preserving in You." ~ aquinas

2005-09-26

frankie, aids, kingdom, and heaven...

this time last year- i walked with my friend frankie through the final months of his life. there's something so special about being with the dying. it seems almost too special to put on a stupid post. now granted; i've only been with a handful of people who are in serious decline.

but the thing that sticks out in my memory (and has been pestering my conscience lately) about the process of passing from this life to the next; is the zealous tone that folks talk about Jesus. i remember frankie talking about his life and denouncing things he used to embrace in exchange for the beauty of Jesus. i think it's b/c the Lord was near to frankie. same with my dad. he would share with nurses and draw maps to church while he was all doped up. the urgency and insistence was/is convicting to me.

it's convicting to me b/c i share my faith and stuff- but i always get tripped up- worried that i might offend or the message not perceived as relevant or this kind of hooey. i also get sidetracked critiquing other's methods. oye. i tire myself sometimes. i'm actually snobby and intellectually elitist about it. i mean seriously... i think it takes alot of balls to verbalize critiquing of other's evangelistic efforts. I mean- i got my hands full w/ myself. no need to worry and meddle in other's choices and methods.

i like that bumper sticker i'm seeing lately of, 'focus on your own family'. this doesn't make me a communist by the way. i know the background and the spoof- but my point is that i need to do what Jesus has asked of me (which what's sticking out to me lately; is i need to really go for it when it comes to talking about my relationship w/ Jesus). doing what Jesus asks of me would likely keep me pretty challenged if not busy. and if i yield to the things that the Lord asks of me and cooperate instead of dig my heels in; pretty free of judgment and trying to manage the world.

so, thank you frankie for teaching me about what it means to be not ashamed of the Gospel. it truly is the power of God for the salvation of everyone.

today's chewable vitamin:
"God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. it was i who didn't. in this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. He only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down."
~c.s. lewis from a grief observed.

2005-09-19

a couple of day to day notables...


first off, i'm disappointed to report that the nytimes has taken some of their best content and made it available for a subscription fee.

second off, i took a nap yesterday and it was most excellent.

third off, i went to julian's bday party which was awesome. we watched some movie about east germany afterwards.

fourth off, anne and gino are back from their honeymoon. i love seeing my friends happy! it does my heart good.

fifthly, i got to see laurel my neicey after a month hiatus. my withdrawl symptoms lessened a bit- but i'm still a bit off.

and lastly, i'm so glad i don't have to re-live the last week at work. it was super stressful. i got to oversee this national promotion and i got a few more gray hairs in exchange.

today's chewable vitamin:

"we can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
'cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance well they're no friends of mine say,
we can go where we want to, a place that they will never find
and we can act like we come from out of this world leave the real one far behind
and we can dance ..."
> from the men w/o hats 'hit', safety dance

2005-09-16

today's chewable vitamin:
"jesus repeatedly identified with the poor and forgotten. it is our heritage to champion the cause of the oppressed, witness to their misery, and call for justice. some of us are even to plead their cause before the powerful. we are to be the voice of the voiceless and the face of the faceless."
~ richard foster

2005-09-14

in honor of
the millennium development goals to be discussed this week at a special summit at the UN

  • this is an article worth reading... living with "just enough"
  • kristof's take on the summit. not a sunny outlook- but challenging nonetheless...

Meet the Fakers
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF
September 13, 2005

"The biggest gathering of leaders in history unfolds this week at the United Nations, as they preen and boast about how much they're helping the world's poor. In short, it may be the greatest assembly in history - of hypocrites.

The fact is that with just a few exceptions, the presidents and prime ministers coming to the U.N. summit are doing a disgraceful job in helping the poor. That's one reason the world's richest 500 individuals have the same income as the world's poorest 416 million people.
We Americans set a dreadful example as hosts to the summit. President Bush has been trying to wriggle away from his 2002 endorsement of the principle that rich countries should try to provide 70 cents in official development assistance for every $100 in national income. (Mr. Bush has sharply increased foreign aid from the Clinton years, but it still stood at only 16 cents in 2004 for each $100 of national income.)

The Bush administration also tried to change summit documents to downplay references to the millennium development goals of overcoming poverty. Fortunately, the Bush administration backed off and now grudgingly joins the international consensus against infant mortality.
It's common to hear abroad scathing criticisms of U.S. stinginess, much of it deserved. But Japan is also a cheapskate, giving only a hair more than the U.S., and Italy gives even less.
The new Human Development Report 2005, recently issued by the U.N. Development Program, is blessedly undiplomatic in its willingness to point figures - at just about everybody. It notes that the U.S. and other rich countries seem unwilling to provide a total of $7 billion annually for the next decade to provide 2.6 billion people with access to clean drinking water. That investment would save 4,000 lives a day, and the cost is less than Europeans spend on perfume - or than Americans spend on cosmetic surgery.

Meanwhile, the report adds, AIDS kills three million people a year and devastates countries like nothing since the Black Death in the 14th century. Yet annual world spending to fight AIDS amounts to three days of military expenditures.

This U.N. summit is meant to review the millennium development goals, such as cutting child deaths around the world by two-thirds by 2015. All the goals, adopted with great fanfare five years ago, are feasible, and some countries - from Bangladesh to Indonesia, Brazil to Mongolia - are on track to meet them. Hats off to them. But most of the world appears likely to miss the goals.

Two countries that should be the leaders of the developing world, China and India, are both off track and should be ashamed of their records. In India, among children 1 to 5, girls are 50 percent more likely to die than boys, meaning that each year 130,000 Indian girls are discriminated to death.

Bangladesh has now overtaken India in improving child mortality, and Vietnam has overtaken China. If India had matched Bangladesh's rate of reduction in child mortality over the last decade, according to the U.N.D.P., it would have saved 732,000 children's lives this year.
Likewise, China has largely ignored its poor interior, so it still loses 730,000 children each year. China has also taken diplomatic positions that hurt the world's most vulnerable populations, by supporting Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe and by implicitly endorsing Sudan's genocide just as it once endorsed Pol Pot's.

And African leaders? Perhaps this is naïve, but it strikes me as racist for them to have complained about brutal white rule in South Africa or Zimbabwe while excusing black rule that is even more brutal.

Readers often ask if I find it depressing to visit African slums or mud-brick villages. On the contrary, it's exhilarating to see how little it takes to make a difference. Ancient scourges like river blindness and leprosy are being controlled, and a clever initiative by Bill Gates and others to promote vaccinations (the Global Alliance for Vaccinations and Immunization) saved more than one million lives just between 2001 and 2004.

That makes it maddening to see leaders posturing for the cameras at the U.N. while, as the U.N.D.P. report notes, "the promise to the world's poor is being broken." The report adds that the gap between the current trendline on child mortality and the one the leaders committed themselves to amounts to 41 million children dying before their fifth birthday over the next decade.

Rather than toasting themselves, these leaders should apologize for this continuing holocaust. "

today's chewable vitamin:

"biblical justice does not mean we should merely help victims cope with oppression; it teaches us to remove it." - ron sider

2005-09-08


this is faith. look at those eyes!

happy birthday annette!

the girl who taught me about the tactics of the holy spirit and how to enforce them.

happy birthday kyla!


this is tristan. he's bigger now. and that's kyla's arms and the bottom of her chin too.

to the girl who taught me how to think about nothing.

a shout out hutzpah to boston and indy
(don't ask about this. i have no idea... i just wanted to use some yiddish)

the only problem that i can see with babies is that once your friends start having them- you no longer recieve pictures of your friend; but instead, recieve pictures of their babies. don't get me wrong- i love me some babies- i was, at one time- a baby.

but the point is- it makes it hard to post digitized photos of your friends on their birthday b/c the only photos you have are of their kids. so the kids will have to suffice.

i wrote some meaningful stuff about both of them and our time in albanian here.
it was meaningful to me atleast...

i'm so glad that both of you were born!
both their friendships have taught me lots about love and faith! infact, they taught me in a flesh and blood way what it means to owe one another nothing but the debt of love (rom. 13.8).

2005-09-07

katrina, rodman and revival.
first- i was speechless; then- i was sick and now i don’t have much to add. the only thing i can think to say is that being sick and watching a national tragedy unfold is not recommended. i have been sad, angry, confused, antsy then sad again.

the good news is that i have a renewed resolve to pray that the Spirit of God would bring revival to our country. i used to pray fairly regularly that dennis rodman and rosie odonnell would meet Jesus. i think they would be great christians. but somehow, i let pragmatism damped my faith for such things. but i think i’m recommitted now.

that’s all i got.

2005-09-01

of note...

i quickly wanted to mention that i have a whole nother genre of art that wins out over the typical masters... tis the art work of the wee one's of nashville. i occassionally get one by mail. they are treasured... here is one:

aidan_jungle
jungle

in other news:


  • annieb's bachlorette was low key and fun. spagio wine bar was wonderful and we got to pray and bless her. i love that kid.
  • the fox is sick. broke down on charles in the hood. we waited three hours for aaa. needless to say, i was not a happy camper. charles sang most of the time. in the rain. i was going to kill him. i decided not too. he sang. i cursed. he is seriously really hard to be ongoingly carnal around. we got offered crack too. that brought me around. we're getting cell phones. or atleast one.
  • i installed google desktop floating tool bar thingy. it's pretty nifty. but it cycles through other people's photos. so every couple minutes; i pause, stunded b/c there are strangers on my desktop. then i remember that i installed this toolbar that cycles through recently visted pages. it's pretty cool.
  • thursday, i'm supposed to meet a eight yr old albanian at my mom's school who speaks no english. should be a hoot. i will make her laugh w/ my albanian that extends to conversation, and snot and other body functions. good times. annette, please give me wisdom on what pleasentries i can exchange (other than un dua melina).
  • here's a picture of nora. even xrays of her make me melt. she swallowed a beebee (lower left quadrant of the xray. she's ok now. she wasn't herself last week but now, all is well. we're grateful. sweet girl...

nora's insides

i'm all sauced up on diet coke tonight. later dudes.


today's chewable vitamin:

"
Jesus: son as yet you are neither courageous nor wise lover.

disciple: how is that Lord?

Jesus: b/c, whenever you meet even the slightest opposition you stop what you are doing and anxiously look about you for consolation. a courageous lover remains steadfast in temptation and puts no credence in the devil's warm, persausive word. just as i am he lover's delight in the time of prosperity, i am likewise his delight in the time of adversity.
"
~ aquinas

2005-08-29

favorite images from art (across period)

so here are some works from different artists that i like. what you will read here is why i like the painting and/or the artist, and any story or emotional role the image has played in my life and love of art.

nothing too obsqure here... hope you enjoy! i enjoyed compiling.

vangogh_shoes

vangogh. shoes. 1887

i got to see a collection of vangogh's series on shoes in boston ten years ago or so. i loved how ordinary and humble the subject matter he chose. i love that they aren't the lugz boots of his day- they are tattered and worn work boots. this isn't to mention that vangogh was a first love for me (as he is w/ many people i'm sure) when i was 12 or so.

may_3rd

goya. may 3rd.

i got to see this painting when i was 16 at the prada in madrid. it was my first encounter w/ a piece of art where i teared up. it is an enormous canvas and is just a powerful work to be in the same room. i don't know why it moved me so; i don't remember knowing the history (and now, as i look it up; there was a riot of andalusian rebels who were executed). but it did nonetheless.

rothko

rothko.

i love the whittney museum of art and believe it to be one of the most under-rated museums on the 5th avenue museum circut in manhattan. i saw a rothko exhibit once and that trip turned into five additional trips over the course of the exhibit b/c i adore mark rothko's work. i love the intensity of the color and how rich and deep the colors look and feel. when i saw this stuff in person- fat over lean took on new meaning for me. it has been a mantra by paining teachers- but it finally lodged in my mind and heart the importance and benfit of the techique.

giotto_stigma

giotto. stigma

one of the remnants of catholisim in our family is a reverance and esteem of st. francis. i love the content and story of this image. giotto was the king of his day of space, depth and was considered fairly revolutionary amongest his peers for it. this whole gothic / romanesque period was my whole schtick in college. this panel frescoe is in pisa.

jesus

cimabue.

ironically, cimabue discovered giotto. he was a thirteenth century florentine. i adore his cruxifications b/c they seemed more accurate emotionally. lots of cruxifictions of this era and leading up to it-were sterile. i remember cimabue's cruxifications really resonating with me.

lighthouses2

hopper. lighthouse 2.

an american mack daddy. i think edward hopper's art is really accessible and his craftmanship is so pristine! i love when there is high quality accessible art that can orient people. that's the role i think hopper gave (and continues to give) americans (a relatively young country w/ not a tone of context/ history in the art world)- bearings and vocabulary. he's known to be a master of light. i got to see a lot of his stuff in chicago.

Schiele

schiele. self. (taken from)

i love love love this guy. he's a turn of the century austrian that was influenced by gustav klimt (the guy who did the kiss). in my opinion, he far surpassed his teacher. lots of his art is a bit twisted and graphic on the erotic side. but i adore his nuetral portraits and his landscapes. i love the exagerration and the agony of his lines and his layers make figures pop off the canvas. i have not seen any of his work in person.

today's chewable vitamin:

"an artist is not paid for his labor but for his vision." ~ whistler

2005-08-23




the bullet point post


+ read about this and almost projectile vommited.

+ have deduced that i have had some self induced anxiety in response to 911. will work to limit my intake as the anniversary approaches. my tolerance seems to be pretty low.

+ bachlorette saturday night for sweet annieb!

+ dinner w/ girl friend's from highschool thursday evening.

+ this is a cool project in manhattan that makes me further regret that i didn't study architecture/ urban planning. edward norton (stud that he is) is how i found out about it on charlie rose.

+ and yes- i realize that watching charlie rose pushes me into a geeky old category.

+ lunch w/ my mommy wednesday!

+ we're nearing out overnight to king's island. charles is as giddy as a school girl about it.

+ it's funny to me how we go from dormant activity to a flurry of busyness in our house.

+ basic but deep realization turning into a conviction... i am convinced that atrophy is like gravity. marriages don't last unless you fight for them. spiritual lives dull unless they are attended to. passivity in relationships ensures a shrinking of relationship

today's chewable vitamin
“if you want peace, work for justice." ~henry louis mencken

2005-08-22

i haven't done this in a while...
today's gratitude list...

that i like to read the bible.
my heart feels alive.
that i can pray whenever and wherever i want...
that i'm sober today.
for charles and how he is patient w/ me.
the steps
grapenuts
my church
that there is a purpose for my life.
the window airconditioner unit in our bedroom.
my new friend jennifer.
diet coke.
my mom's swimming pool.
charles' job.
my job.
the fox
my nieces and nephews
my whole family.
u2 even though i don't have tickets.
our cheap apartment
my mother in law and how sweet she is.
that i can draw and i usually feel better after i do.
i love that i feel more alive when i give stuff away-
i'm grateful that my value as a person isn't determined by my bank account.
i'm grateful that charles is is own man and thinks for himself.

a bit abbreviated today for time; not for lack of content.

today's chewable vitamin:
"i am not what i ought to be; i am not what i will be; but thank God i am not what i used to be." - martin luther

2005-08-17

five of my favorite passages from the bible:

luke 7
this is probably my favorite chapter in the gospels. it is meaningful to me at a couple of levels. the story of the centurion (1-10) hit me between the eyes at a real pivotal time in my life. what i love most about the story is that it is the only occasion i know of where Jesus was amazed by a human being’s faith. i tend to think that Jesus gets exacerbated w/ me and us humans in general. but i don’t think that’s actually true. the problem is i think like this; ‘if i was Jesus; i would be frustrated w/ me’. ha! talk about missing the boat! sometimes, i crack myself up!

anyways- to run across an occasion in scripture, where Jesus is amazed by someone’s faith was so cool for me. i decided to pray for the kind of faith that would amaze Him since this passage hit me between the eyes. it hit me between the eyes b/c i was orienting to life in america after living in albania for over a year and i didn’t think i could hack it. i was really lonely and i had no faith that it would get better.

the second portion of luke 7 is probably my ‘life passage’ (36-50). we asked my brother to use it as the text at our wedding. i tear up every time i read about it and think about it. it’s the story of the lady who is immoral and cries all over Jesus’ feet like a bumbling idiot and doesn’t care and washes His feet w/ her tears. and it’s about the guy who thinks he has all his crap together compared to the bubbling idiot and how Jesus calls his sorry ass out on it. it’s the most beautiful image in the gospels for me and complete wrecks me. but most of all- the passages beauty is conveyed through the meat of my biggest aspiration in life. i know i’m not telling you anything new- but i’m a sinner. a big sinner. i mean- i’ve done some wicked things. really. but this passage gives me hope. b/c apparently; there is a congruency between the amount that i’ve been forgiven of; and the potential and capacity to love and forgive others. and that’s what i’ve always wanted. i have always wanted to be loved; but i have this inner compulsion to be a good lover of people. and to love people and be involved w/ people- someone’s going to mess me up and do me wrong- that’s part of the deal. but apparently; i have the power to pardon, to forgive, to show mercy. and that is the mark i want on my life. this is revolutionary people- and it rocks my world.

revelation 7.9-17
basically, there is a tie between my two favorite books in the bible. it’s a tie between revelation and romans. when i went to treatment (as in rehab, as in stop drinking to run away from your life)- i took a precious moments bible that was given to me at my confirmation. funny- i know. i was an aesthetic snob then- as i am now- but i took it nonetheless. honestly, i couldn’t stop reading it. and i was riveted by revelation. i LOVED it. no one was around to suggest i might start w/ say- john. like any good person addicted to immediate gratification- i read the last chapter first. but oye did i love me some revelation. i think i like it b/c it seemed like one enormous trip- but w/ the most wonderful visual imagery.

i’ve been in love with this particular passage since i was about twenty. as time has passed; i have been exposed to more and more of the falleness of this world- so i think my love for this passage has only increased w/ the exposure. in particular; how race has been used to seperate and marginalize people. so i love this passage b/c it reminds me that heaven isn’t going to be an ole boys club w/ a bunch of whiteys. i also love that the worship of Jesus will bring everything into focus. we experience this in part here on earth- but it’s too rare for my heart and i grow tired. but then i read this passage and i am encouraged.

the other reason or turn that this passage has taken is in light of my dad’s passing. i adore the thought that my dad has a job that he loves in heaven. he adores it. everyday he wakes up (?- or whatever you do in heaven) and serves day and night in the temple. my dad hated his last job- i mean the dude loathed it. but now he has a job that’s perfect for him. i also love the knowledge that everything will work in heaven- we won’t experience need that comes from falleness or brokenness.

i forgot to say, that my love pangs took on new levels for this passage via michael card’s cd- unveiled hope.

ephesians 3.29-32
i love this passage b/c i talk too much and it reminds me that my words serve a purpose other than hearing myself talk. i love it b/c it’s really practical and directive. i think my relationship w/ the world at large would be way different if i thought of my words having the purpose of giving grace. wow. this all came to life when i realized for the amount of talking and ‘communicating’ i did might actually do more harm than good. this is a lesson i continue to learn. i rationalize excessive talking by saying ’i’m being open’. you know- i’m just being open. it is a newer lesson that i don’t actually have to say everything i think. this passage is a good filter to put up in my mind and over my mouth.

hebrews 3.7-19

i like hebrews. i love all the old testament references intertwined. i get intimidated by hebrews. anyways- i love this passage b/c it reminds me that sin isn’t a little side hobby of mine. sometimes that’s how i treat it. sad but true. hobby’s are benign and harmless. sin is not benign and harmless. ever. part of the deceitfulness of sin for me is to make it like it’s no big deal (13). i love that this passage reminds me that i’m supposed to respond TODAY to conviction. not tomorrow. today. and i love that it reminds me that i have a heart of flesh- not of stone- but it can atrophy and move towards stone. but if i respond today to his voice- there’s hope for it to be soft. i also love that there is a directive to encourage one another daily (13). it is not easy to say yes in the moment. i need encouragement and i need to give it too. love love love it! i’m grunting as i write this...

romans 5.1-11
this chapter is so deep. it’s hard to capture why i love it so much w/o short changing the passage. i love the opening of this chapter in particular. the cycle laid out in 3-5 appeals to my desire for formulas. but i am also a sucker for passages that talk about hope. i always have been. but i love that i’m instructed to rejoice in my suffering, that suffering isn’t futile nihilism that it has a purpose in my life, that it produces perseverance and tenacity- in turn in produces character (i’ve always wanted to have real deep character) and character somehow produces hope! i love hope b/c the bible says that it doesn’t disappoint. and i love anything that keeps disappointment at bay. i hate disappointment.

the other portion i adore follows the hope business immediately... i love that even when i was completely helpless- Jesus died for me. it’s so funny that i have an aversion to being helpless. my performance mentality gets weeded out little by little over the years. it’s so funny/pitiful that i think i might just have a chance to earn some sort of favor from God. this just nails me i have nothing that would merit God’s favor or mercy. it’s not about my resume. actually, it’s not about me at all.

romans 12
i love this whole chapter. i love v10 in particular. this is the chapter of the bible that i seem to revisit most frequently. i love it b/c it’s so deep but really practical too.

ok... lunch is over and i know i went over five and i only covered the new testament. can you blame me? the bible is the best book i've ever read. i will do old testament sometime at at later date. ok my peeps. signing off...

2005-08-15



i don't have the heart

to leave the last entry continue to be the first thing one sees when this page loads. not that i don't love stevie. and vintage stevie at that... look- i don't want to get into it.

i'm putting this up instead.

i just finished reading my name is asher lev. it was really good. this guy came up in our discussion. our whole conversation beckoned me back to my extreme love for joyce's a portrait of the artist as a young man.

also, my hair continues to be wholy uncoperative.

and, i think i've been anxious lately. i'm not normally anxious. i'm more uptight than i'd like- but not normally anxious.

so- i have tried to implement this whole 'getting things done' lately (sidebar: i like to appear to have a distain for mainstream gimicky things- but the truth is i'm a total sucker for that stuff). so, i now have a seven page to do list in ten point type. they make it sound like doing a RAM brain dump will make you feel better... um no. it doesn't. it makes you have a seven page to do list in ten point type. after i printed off my todo list; i listened to the radio transmissions from 9/11 on all things considered- and this is when i decided i might be teetering on a panic attack.

the end

love,

maureen

w/b/s

f/f