i am not dead

i may resign my title as a blogger. i'm not heartbroken. just a bit overwhelmed with life. practically. emotionally. my energies are just elsewhere for now and any spare time i do have goes to recouping or trying to find things that feed my soul rather than pass the time.

honestly, life has been challenging. but i know the Lord is working in me and changing me. so much of our lives are in flux right now but the Lord's commitment to me, to our family and to our future has never been in flux... and for that- i'm grateful!

i'm coming into new self awareness. mostly an awareness of how inept i am without the power of the Holy Spirit and my submission to Him. i feel really good about working on my masters degree. it helps me to remember how empowering it is to be proactive. i'm doing lots of inner work on myself and that is good.

charles spent the better part of june in nigeria to bury his dad. i'm glad to have him back. he jumped into a graduate course at ohio state and completed it with an 'A'. i'm very proud of him. constance still continues to awake each morning cuter than the previous day. she's growing and learning and is a precious joy in our lives.

so although life is challenging- i'm reminded that people would beg for my problems. really? i have good problems. some days i loose perspective and think i may drown and other days i am hopeful for the future. but either way- the truth remains that God is with me. i have a deep confidence that each challenge i face interiorally and externally He is present.

i'm sure i will return to blogging more regularly- but for now- sporadic updates will be the new 'norm'.

chewable vitamin:

"the time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. eat.
you will love again the stranger who was your self.
give wine.give bread. give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
sit. feast on your life."

: derek wolcott
:: "love after love"

patrick okonkwo

my father in law passed away may 12th. we've been scrambling around and trying to prepare for charles' trip to nigeria to bury his daddy. needless to say, we have tried to manage the stress of work, school, baby, house, church and everything else- we have limped through it all! please keep us in your prayers. i wrote a long time ago about the customs involved with burial in charles' region of nigeria. if you're interested here is the post.

here are some ways you can pray for us during this time:
: pray for protection for charles as he travels.
: pray that charles would experience the presence and companionship of God as he is away.
: ask the Lord to give charles extra grace and comfort through this time of managing tasks- but grieving as well.
: pray for charles' ministry to his family in this time of need.
: pray for constance and i as he is gone.
: pray for his decompression time upon return home.

here are some great pictures of my father in law patrick and also, his obituary and my tribute to him (which will be read at his burial- along with each of the other children's tributes).

“How well he spent his life…”

Patrick Chukuemeka Okonkwo April 22 1944- May 12, 2008

Lak Oguieda Patrick Chukemeka Okonkwo was born April 22 1944 as the first son to Lak Oguieda Okonkwo and Mrs. Patrick Nwawunne Okonkwo Obogborn. At the time of his birth, his family lived in Akure Ondo State and was eventually given the affectionate nickname Bambidele by the deji of Akure.

Patrick enlisted in 1967 and served nobly on behalf of the Biafrian constituency in the Nigerian Civil War. After the war’s end, he met and fell in love with Christiana Udekwue Okonkwo whom he married on January 10^th, 1969. Patrick and Christina have six children (three sons, three daughters).

On May 1988 Patrick married his second wife, Henrietta Okonkwo with whom he had four sons. Patrick was a loving son, brother, uncle, husband, father and grandfather until his passing.

Patrick received his primary education at Sobe and his secondary education in Benin City in Edo State. During his professional life, he traveled to London to study as a secretary and eventually returned to practice his trade in Nigeria. He was employed at R.T. Brisco prior to the Civil War. Afterwards, he returned to Lagos to start his own business- Patmon. Later he established Amamites Agro Tech and Construction with subsidiaries of Amanmites Aluminum Construction and Anamites Agro Tech. His entrepreneurial spirit and success in the marketplace led to his selection by the Lagos Chamber of Commerce to be the first business person chosen to attend an international seminar in Sotuh Korea and again, in London in 1979.

In 1987, he founded the Oshun Landlord Association after relocating to Abule Oshun. His later days were spent establishing a school within his compound, PEC. Patrick acted as director at the school and along with his second wife who continues to serve as head mistress.

Patrick was a moderately social man that kept to himself most of the time. He was known as a principled man who stood tall for his people. His term as the Chairman of his Community and age grade in Lagos was long standing. He was a gentleman to the core. Born into a Christian home, Patrick was a Catholic and at an early age was an alter boy. Although not a church goer for some of his life, before his death, he gave his life to Jesus.

Today, we gather to say farwell to a great man. Patrick fought the good fight of faith in this side of life and now rests in the arms of Heaven where we will see him again.

Dad, we love you, but the Lord loves you most. Be at peace in the arms of God. We will miss you but we are so grateful that you were our father, husband and friend. "

+++

and here is my tribute (each child writes a tribute that is read):

“My daddy, Patrick Chukwuemka Okonkwo welcomed me to his family with an open heart. I knew that he was a great man prior to meeting him because I watched his eldest son, Obugo to whom I am married; glow with pride when he spoke of him. I am grateful for daddy for many things. He loved his family deeply and earned the respect of people regardless of their creed, religion or ethnicity. . I am so happy that I had the chance to meet him and spend time together and introduce him to Ebelechukwu, his first granddaughter. . I will miss him very much. My only comfort is to know that his body has been restored completely and he is no longer in pain- his heavenly body and spirit rests with King Jesus. .He leaves a legacy behind in the kind of children he bore into the world and I consider myself blessed to be an Okonkwo. “

chewable vitamin

"the vigorous, continual planting of new congregations is the single most crucial strategy for the numerical growth of the Body of Christ in any city, and the continual corporate renewal and revival of the existing churches in a city. nothing else...will have the consistent impact of dynamic, extensive church planting."

: dr. tim keller

chewable vitamin

“the Church is the only organization in the world that exists primarily for the benefit of those who are not its members.”
~ archbishop william temple

chewable vitamin

i heard this prayer lately and i have been praying it often.

"jesus bless you, jesus free you, jesus release you;
jesus bless me, jesus free me, jesus release me."

pic post

i don't really have anything witty or profound to say. updating you via a post on life and its happenings seems like it would take a lot of energy and not cover the complexities of life right now. so a picture post will have to suffice!




working the fro with a hcd (hair control devise)



swinging and squeeling.








nana and laurel's pizza birthday party.



easter 2008




pastahead




constance's favorite place in the house- the pantry cupboard.




nana and constance at the chef-o-nette




ISD
(improvised sledding device)
our first attempt was with our infant tub...




ISD
(improvised sledding device)
aka laundry basket with yellow rope pull
(this worked better than the tub)



unimpressed...
ney even confused at her parents excitement.

buckley's to tanzania

lyndi and constance

Noodles & Co. is spreading the word about their new Clintonville location at 5032 N. High St. (across from Graceland Shopping Mall) by holding an amazing fund-raiser for Thomas Worthington High School. The student council at the school has voted to use these funds to support the Buckley's move to serve in Tanzania.

100% of the profits between 4- 9 PM this Wednesday, March 12th will go toward Thomas Worthington's efforts to support the Buckley's. So...come and buy your dinner - tell everyone you know to do the same and help support the Buckley's efforts to serve in Tanzania, East Africa. Thanks !

content post

two recent and lovely rendezvous with friends made me more aware of how isolated i have felt lately. when i feel isolated, my solution is to put new sheets on the bed, get my favorite newly washed pajamas, stockpile magazines and stay in our room for the night/day. i tried this recently. i thought it sounded like a good way to spend a saturday night. it is a good way to spend a saturday night when you feel connected and in touch with friends. but i have not felt that way lately. so it is not a good way to spend a saturday night in my current state. my brilliant idea to cure isolation is to be alone? oye. isolation is a little different than lonely- at least how i'm using it here. lonely makes me sad. isolation makes me depressed as in demotivated to be motivated

basically morning naps bite. on top of the morning/two nap challenge (a challenge to schedule around and a challenge if they don't happen-b/c the inevitable grump ensues)... i've started working twenty hours each week. so my routine is completely off. i don't know how i'm going to get much done. hopefully it will all work itself out.

my job is really just what i have prayed for. ten hours in the office and ten hours flexed from home. i work for a ministry that works with international students and scholars at ohio state. i really like it. i do administrative work for the director.

the first day he popped his head out of the office and said, 'uh- we have a sudanese staff guy who is in darfur doing a community center. he needs alot more practical support than i can give- can you be his point person?'

my response? uh yeah. i can do that. if you really want me to... (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

and my boss? wow. he is a very impressive humble man. i guess i think of myself as being somewhat well read- especially about culture, anthropology, sociology type stuff. but his book shelf? it is teeming with all of these titles and author that i've never heard of... i really feel blessed!

constance is doing great. she is walking and doing the drunken sailor thing. she makes any situation a good time to play peekaboo. she's babbling lots ad cut her first tooth that is taking it's sweet time to emerge from her sweet little gum.

that's it from casa de o'konkwo.

bleh

dear february,
i'm so over you.

signed,
maureen

chewable vitamin

"but what of black women?...i most sincerely doubt if any other race of women could have brought its fineness up through so devilish a fire."
~ w.e.b. du bois

an independent kosovo

important things have come to pass this weekend. a culmination of blood sweat and tears over many many years. read about the journey for kosovo to become independent. this is a beloved part of the world to me. the story of albania and ethnic albanians in the balkans (and beyond) is a story that evangleicals should take to heart! the impact on the muslim world on the lives of albanians is huge and something i wish more american christians knew about.

chewable vitamin

"where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe."
: frederick douglass

state of my union: 2008

i've done this before in different manners- but this year- i just want to post two lists. the first list are things i will work towards this coming year. the second list are things i hope to be true when i'm forty.

this year i will turn 35. which basically means that 40 is around the corner (eek!). when i was in may late twenties- i made a list of things i wanted to be true of me and i found it recently. as i looked over the list, i was pleased to find- many of them were true!

some of the 'goals' are meaningful, and not tangible and some are not so meaningful but more concrete. but they are things i want to move towards nonetheless.

this year:

• find a job suitable for me which is conducive to family and school. (i think this is secured)
  
• begin school.
• work steps.
• establish a pattern of exercise.
• be more in love w/ charles.
• embrace routine and don't keep bucking it b/c it is 'boring'.
• have three months of living expenses in the bank and don't touch it.
• have an emergency account for car etc.
  

when i'm 40:

• add a kid to our family.
• take regular retreats.
• earn a mater's degree.
• go on a girls weekend.
• purchase a nice leather couch.
• go on a cruise w/ charles.
• have a job teaching in the public schools.

on the less tangible side of things- life has been a mixed bag this year. our year included two life changing 'highlight type things. the arrival of constance and her addition to our family and our trip to nigeria. it also included more financial commitments (mainly a mortgage) and less income than ever before. this has proven stressful!

our hope for the coming year is to walk in peace and assurance that we belong to a God who cares for us and has a purpose for everything in our lives.

my first ever post linking to oprah

since marrying charles, i have become an oprah convert*. i used to snidely discount anything she did said, or anything about her... but she's not all bad. in fact, i officially like oprah.

this guest she had one recently is worth listening to. what a perspective! just be glad i didn't forward the forward of the forward that i got this link from...

*i doubt i will convert to liking lionel richie or celine dion. please bash my head against the wall if i do. speaking of which... i never mentioned my sign of true love and devotion on our trip to nigeria... i actually put a play list on our ipod for charles of love songs (b/c he LUVS love songs). the only redeeming part of the playlist's presence was charles signing them aloud badly. it was both endearing and maddening.

10 world events i will watch in 2008

1. darfur. still. again.
2. niger- delta conflict. (note: the link is dated- but provides a good overview if you're unfamiliar)
3. the presidential race here in the united states.
4. what president bush will do in iran.
5. investigation of the assignation of former prime minister buhto in pakistan.
6. if conversations about trade or economics(with mexico in particular) plump up rather than dumb down the immigration conversation in presidential politics in the U.S.
7. president yar' adua's first year in office.
8. charles taylor's trial in the hague.
9. middle east conflict and peace.
10. "kenya, baby... kenya!" (thank you kirsten)

tantrums? a.d.d.? and attachment

i am unsure if i just witnessed a tantrum. maybe the fact that i'm asking that q question- answers the question. maybe when you see a tantrum- you just know. back arching, arms flailing and screaming. does this qualify? anyone with kids- please let me know the following:

• when was the first tantrum you remember?
• what were the markers?
• how old was your kid?
• what did you do?

secondly- i've been thinking lately that i might have attention deficient disorder. either that or i just need to get my shit together. i can't seem to hold a thought in my head. if something requires concentration- i'm thinking about what needs to happen next. then i forget what i was initially thinking of. at the most inopportune times- my to do list crowds out what needs my immediate attention. maybe this is new motherhood. or maybe i need ritalin. i hear it's kinda fun (i'm joking people lighten up).

finally- i would guess they covered this is christianity 101 and i missed that day; but i was reminded today that my role in the lives of those that don't know Jesus is to point them to Him. i like to point people to myself. for real. people need to attach to Jesus. not to me. my bullshit attempt to be cool enough that people who would otherwise not be interested in Jesus; would be interested in Jesus b/c i know times new viking or some other crap is- well... crap. i guess i was reminded today that all i can really give people in need around me is Jesus. and He's way better than the 'right' playlist or reading list or whatever.

that's it.

10 things i cannot tire of...

1. lentil soup
2. morning coffee
3. morning paper
4. constance's giggle
5. muga muga w/ charles (which is not a euphemism- it's a sullivanism for rubbing faces)
6. deck screws. i know this one is weird- but i love em!
7. the economist
8. going to the movies by myself
9. most any yard work with the exception of mowing the lawn. basically landscaping.
10. 89.7 wosu- except i'm disappointed they added npr talk to it. even though i love npr.

top 10s - list making 101- maureen style

i like lists. i used to be compulsive about lists and now i only stalk people who are compulsive about lists. i have lots and lots of sites bookmarked where i look at people's lists. weird- i know. but true. lists make my world make sense. if i get overwhelmed- i make a list. i used to color coat them- but now i don't. progress not perfection eh?

so i'm going to post some lists on here. i've had lists of band names, dog names, kid names, ways i'd hate to die, ways i wouldn't mind dying, greatest human rights leaders, purchases to make, songs that are good to listen to if you need a soundtrack to cry to, books to read if you want to start a revolution, books to read if you want to escape and so on. i think you get the picture. so i'm going to posts some lists on here. soon my lovelies. soon.

chewable vitamin

"... a humble self knowledge is a surer way to God than a search after deep learning..."

: a'Kempis

it's finally here. election year 2008

i thought i would catalog the evolution of my thinking and position where politics are concerned.

here's my account:

this is a snap shot of where i was over ten years ago...
between the ages of 19 and 23 i did the following:

• wore black the day bill clinton was inaugurated.
• listened to rush limbaugh everyday (for pleasure. without barfing- not the whole five years but many of the five).
• ask for a subscription to the national review for christmas when i was twenty.
  
• i actually remember having a conversation with my mom (a staunch democrat) where i defended cutting all social program funding b/c of the 'survival of the fittest'. i want to puke now and crawl up into a little little ball.

what happened:

between the ages of 22 and 27:

• i actually met and lived amongst people in abject poverty.
• i saw the aftermath of communism.
• i had lots of close interaction with black people and started to learn more about racism and power.
• i met more people who were poor, whose grew up poor, and whose dad grew up poor and started to learn what are factors involved in 'a cycle of poverty'.
• i went to a church that talked about the poor and how close they are to the heart of God.
• and i lived in new york city.

my thoughts on this election:
none of the republicans interest me at all (with the remote exception of john mccain... sometimes). i have o.d.-ed on republicans. some of them scare me- but i will keep it positive.

the primaries for the the democratic party are more invigorating. call me a lemming- but i think it is completely legitimate to want to be inspired by a political candidate. i don't mean to place undue hope in politics as the solution to our world's problems. however, the reality is that politics and economics seem to be a large cause of much of both the desperate and hopeful situations in our world. probably b/c they are the avenue that power is ethier used or abused to change course and really impact history.

with that has my precursor- i will say the following:

i'm an obamaite.

when i think about the future of politics, the tone and pitch- i cringe. i think our country needs someone to lead us to a new path. the stuff we've tried had not only not worked- but in many cases failed miserably. on so many fronts- i am discouraged by what i see in our country and the wrong policies that get passed and the right policies that fail.

but when i hear obama's policies and approach to the things that matter to me (and i believe will influence our country and world for the better)- i am hopeful- infact i get excited for the future. i know that obama doesn't have the experience of some of his competitors. but clearly- experience is not a guarantor of a good president.

i had hopes that bill richardson and joe biden would get some momentum. i know they are candidates with very little real stake in the election and won't win the nomination- but i really like them both and would contend that both have more of the experience i am looking for (on foreign policy in particular) than any other candidates in either party.

* this ends my talk about politics for the year. i anticipate political talk will stir in blogdom and i hope to hold my tongue (as an act of discipline for myself- not b/c those types of dialog/monologue are inherently bad).

* i read a book this summer called tempting faith which was very good. it motivated me 'do' politics differently this season. we'll see if it sticks.