taulk amongest yourselves...
"it is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. if somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. but are there no exceptions to this rule? what about 'justifiable anger'? if somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? for us of aa these are dangerous exceptions. we have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it." 
~  twelve steps and twelve traditions.  p.90

leap
i did something somewhat daring.
what do i have to loose?
i linked to this woman who started her own business consulting not for profits.
emailed her and asked her if she mentors.
we're going to meet to discuss.
it's kinda exciting. i'm figuring out slowly; that i am responsible for my own development. so i'm gonna go for it.

i'll let you know how it goes.

disconnect.

: my summer squash are sick.
: i worry that i'm posting just to post.
: they're using glue on kid's skin these days instead of stiches.
: my husband is very patient with me.
: i wonder where megan was today at the party.
: i got a gardening book w/ killer pictures.
: how do blind people know where to feel for braille on an elevator?
: that thunderstorm scared the bejeezuz out of me.

i heart cheap auto repairs.
 
thank you Lord!

i wish
for magic words. 

thinking about...
psalm 34.4-5
4 I sought the LORD , and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

if i could be good at one thing...
it would be to love people.

sometimes...
i just want to fight.

back in the day i used to fight. you know... open up a good ole' fashion can of whoop ass on someone. luckily now i only threaten tire slashing. progress not perfection as they say in the rooms.

today i feel feisty. i get sick of getting peed on. i hit my peed on quota for the month and then i want to rumble. i get grumpy, short and bent out of shape over silly things.

i think it may be called passive aggression- i'm unsure.

mental note: i don't have to feel this way. i hope as i grow up i can get better at addressing things (i.e. people who pee on me), apply forgiveness, and move on.

i have recently been extra super duper duper struck by how core it is to forgive. nothing really works without forgiveness.

i know that it's totally warped- but i'm just being honest here... i think somewhere down deep- i think forgiveness is an option not a requirement.

i get into this whole 'poor me- i've been wronged' whiny bullshit and deliberate and weigh my options.**

have mercy on me! ugh!

this is why charles is so good for me. i think that i struggle with thinking that it's cool to be young and cynical. but then i meet someone like charles. and he gets it. he gets the gospel in a way that i want to. he applys it and he's joyful and it's incredibly inspiring to me.

** ironies of ironies: when i powertrip (ugly control) and withold forgiveness- there is no other attractive option for me. ultimately it is either forgiveness or isolation via bitterness.

pardon my pep talk to myself.

what i thought about fahrenheit 911**
~ by maureen okonkwo

i am very glad i went to see this movie. i think everyone should buy tickets to scooby doo 2 or whatever and sneak into see it. this movie made me think and it made me glad for the michael moore's of our society. he is an instigator who stimulates people like me to think about issues. granted- i think he's a bit of an asshole- but he is good at what he does. i think he should do a documentary on the irony of how he can whine and make films about the capitalist democratic 'regime' he lives in.

sidebar:
i always think it's kinda funny to hear people whine about our country. don't get me wrong- i don't think we're a flawless nation full of altruistic justice seeking people- but people take for granted the fact that they have a right that people fought and died to protect their freedom to whine.

anyways...
michael moore seems to be a bitter man with alot of money who works hard to come across like the guy next door. making $40K yrly. he is not the guy next store.

with all that being said- it was sobering to hear the information he had collected on the saudi bush connection. if 1/3 of the info is true- we're in bad shape.

what others are saying...
"intelligentsia"
an iraqi

**i don't like being typecast into one stereotype or another- i like to think of myself as complicated, deep and different :) so don't comment on how i'm a typical conservative or whatever. i don't know what i am and get more confused everytime i think about how i will vote in the fall.

dang it!
lost the post...
we have dsl now.
the battalion comes tomorrow (charles' fond name for my brother's family)! yeehaw!

a couple of points of learning as of late...

:: praying helps my heart not become a retaliatory machine. i don't know what i would do w/o it.
:: singing in the a.m. with my husband can change my entire perspective on life and my day. it helps me not take myself too seriously.
:: i am forming deeper convictions about how to treat people via experiencing what it's like to be mistreated. good stuff.
:: what people think of me is none of my business.

later gators!

went to see

it