i am not dead

i may resign my title as a blogger. i'm not heartbroken. just a bit overwhelmed with life. practically. emotionally. my energies are just elsewhere for now and any spare time i do have goes to recouping or trying to find things that feed my soul rather than pass the time.

honestly, life has been challenging. but i know the Lord is working in me and changing me. so much of our lives are in flux right now but the Lord's commitment to me, to our family and to our future has never been in flux... and for that- i'm grateful!

i'm coming into new self awareness. mostly an awareness of how inept i am without the power of the Holy Spirit and my submission to Him. i feel really good about working on my masters degree. it helps me to remember how empowering it is to be proactive. i'm doing lots of inner work on myself and that is good.

charles spent the better part of june in nigeria to bury his dad. i'm glad to have him back. he jumped into a graduate course at ohio state and completed it with an 'A'. i'm very proud of him. constance still continues to awake each morning cuter than the previous day. she's growing and learning and is a precious joy in our lives.

so although life is challenging- i'm reminded that people would beg for my problems. really? i have good problems. some days i loose perspective and think i may drown and other days i am hopeful for the future. but either way- the truth remains that God is with me. i have a deep confidence that each challenge i face interiorally and externally He is present.

i'm sure i will return to blogging more regularly- but for now- sporadic updates will be the new 'norm'.

chewable vitamin:

"the time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. eat.
you will love again the stranger who was your self.
give wine.give bread. give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
sit. feast on your life."

: derek wolcott
:: "love after love"