liadanslyre

good day
well- my day is over. it was a busy one. i had a pretty steady flow of work come my way today. i met my mom for dinner, and then judy for coffee. it was a good day.

my mom is sad. i hate to see her sad. i love her so much it hurts sometimes. she is a tough cookie though- and given time to digest this diagnosis- i know she will be ok.

it is difficult to see the inevidibility of her aging (although she hardly looks her age); and the thought of watching her deteriorate is something that makes me dizzy with grieve and dread. the fragility of humanity! ughh.

this is me being dramatic. i mean really- this is a woman who could beat me down easily. she walks like a maniac and pumps iron. she's far from fragile. but the news is hard for her- and thus, is hard for me.

the news made her miss my daddy. i miss him too. i miss him for me. for his advice, his perspective, his humor, his love, and his cheering for me. but i miss him most of all for her. she is lonely without him and doesn't have anyone to share this news with... i mean- matt and meg know and i know- but as she pointed out so poignantly-

'it's different to go through stuff with a teammate who tells you; you're going to be alright'

it's not that statement that is profound- it's the context. and i'm just starting to understand that... i just don't want her to be lonely.

12.5
that's how long i've been sober! 12.5 years today. if God can change me- he can change anyone. that is a long time to not drink. God is very very very gracious.