liadanslyre

sorted
sometimes i am at a loss as to what to write on this blog. i don't have a ton of content or deep thoughts these days. my days are often pretty mundane and it seems laborious to rehash it to fill up space.

i do have things i am mulling over in my mind. i don't know if this is the forum to lay them out. it's not that they are too private- it's that they are not neatly arranged for presentation. i need clarity of thought to even lay out the things that are flowing through my head.

i am thinking a lot about money lately and it's role in my life. i know it is too important to me- and i often feel ashamed with it even entering the process of my thinking with a potential future with charles. his instability (not b/c he is flighty or irresponsible- but b/c of circumstances and the patriot act) make it difficult to know what i should do. i find myself avoiding talking about it with him or others b/c:

~ i feel ashamed about weighing this heavily.
~ i don't know if there is a solution that i like.
~ i don't want anyone to tell me that the right solution and have it be waiting four years until we can get married.

i will say that i really dislike the route immigration law has taken in our country. don't get me wrong- i really love being an american. i know that's not very cool or in- but it's true. among other things, i am grateful that we have a government that wants to protect it's citizens- even when i disagree with the solutions proposed in legislation and whatnot. i know that the motive to protect our country is not simply altruistic. i know there is political self preservation- but still. i'm grateful.

i just regret that there are elements within our society that either:
have short term memory, forgetting the history of how our country was built,
or
remember how our country was built but are so enslaved to fear they don't care or think it doesn't apply.

basically it is nearly impossible for charles to live here with a visitors visa and be self substaining. charles is begging to work and legislation makes it near rocket science to make that happen. it makes me dizzy with frustration.


coming soon...
+ the state of my spirit.
+ what i would do if a child barfed on me
+ shameless plugs for charles