why i love jesus
there are many reasons that i love jesus. i am grateful for the chance to celebrate his life throughout this time of year. perhaps this post would of been better suited for a pre christmas date. but the reality is i wish that my level of anticipation was more sustained throughout the whole year and that i would be as mindful of how much my relationship with jesus means to me.

well- as i said i’m crazy about jesus. he really saves my life over and over again. it used to be in a more physical and concrete way when i was a hellion flirting with death and overdose. then it was spiritual (as when i decided to be a ‘real christian’* (for lack of a better phrase)). now- i feel like he saves me from a variety of things. one of which (but not limited to); he saves me from myself. and i love that. in a million years- i would of never guessed that my life would look like it does today. he saves me from myself b/c he doesn’t let me settle for my measly dreams. he also saves me emotionally. i cannot begin to tell you the emotional overhaul that walking with Jesus has produced.

i love him for lots of the stuff he ‘does’ for me. but i am growing to love God for the intangible non utility of his character and just who he is.

i have grown to love that i don’t understand him. what i mean is- i sometimes wish (connect this with the measly dream bit) that my relationship was formulatic. that i follow God, he does what i want, and that i’m happy. but this is not the case. since becoming a christian life (read here shit), sometimes still happens. i can try to be obedient and my job still suck (for example), or my dad die, or ministry be flat, or remain single or fill in your blank. with that said, it has been my experience that there is something intangible, beautiful and profound that happens when we ‘live life on life’s terms’ (to borrow a phrase from program). when i neutralize my brat; and stop demanding from God; i receive His mercy and meeting. and i love this.

i love jesus b/c he is consistent yet keeps me on my toes. he is very generous. i love him b/c he disciplines me and doesn’t let me stay the same. but in the same breath- i love that he loves me the way i am... i love him b/c he is smart and strong. i love him b/c he is good and gentle. i love him b/c he forgives me and always takes me back. i love him b/c he listens to me and lets me talk his ear off. i love him b/c he sees me. i love him b/c he makes me discontent when i should be b/c i’m settling for second rate stuff. i love him b/c he gives hope. i love him b/c he loves me. i could really go on and on.


* this is not meant to sound elitist. i always thought about being a christian just like i think about being irish. this point of decision for me was a decision to recognize that christianity is not like ethnicity- but instead a decision each of us are free to make. so by real- i mean that it was my intentional choice to follow jesus.

i am severley bummed out...
everytime my front page loads-
the number goes up.
did you know that indonesia has the largest population of muslims in the world?
ughh. i have a chronic lump in throat.

it is hard to write about much else.
these things bring things and the mundane into focus.

mercy.

a prayer for the dead
from maureen

please Lord- have mercy.
preserve life.
bring life to these lands.
bring hope to these lands
bring comfort to these lands
and the dear people there.
please Lord- have mercy.

+++
chewable vitamin

a prayer for the dead
from the celtic book of prayer

"God, omit not this woman and man from Your covenanat.
The many evils that in this life he r shee has committed
they cannot count or list this night.
Gather this soul with your own arm, o Christ,
great King of the City of Heaven.

it is Your work, O Christ
the buying of the soul
at the time of the balancing of the beam
at the timeof bringing of judgement.
be this sould hidden in your right hand."

anguish

really really takes the wind out of you...

read more here...

and here.

i mean- can you imagine?

today's chewable vitamin...

this night is the long night
when those who listen await His cry.

this night is the eve of the great nativity
when those who are longing await His appearing.

wait, with watchful heart.

listen carefully, through the stillness;
listen, hear the telling of the waves upon the shore.

listen, hear the song of the angels glorious-
e're (huh?) lon it will be heard
that His foot reached the earth:
news that Glory has come!

truly His slavation is near
for those who fear Him,
and His glory shall dwell in our land.

watch and pray, the Lord shall dwell in our land.

those who are longing await his appearing.

those who listen await His cry.

watch..."

~taken from the celtic book of prayer

in celebration of charles

well- he's 35 yrs old. we celebrated last night in a number of ways. we went to dinner and a movie (courtesy of a nice gift certificate i recieved from work); and i gave him a pimped out lexus remote control car.

it's worth mentioning that charles proves the passage in ephesians 3**- that a life spent w/ Jesus will blow your mind and all your expectations. i wasn't really sure that i would get married. it certainly wasn't that i didn't want to be married. i wanted to be married. really really bad. but i resigned that i would not be married. to deal with it i just tried to not feel dissappointed. it takes a lot of effort to try to not feel. i would bouts where i knew it wasn't good for me to 'try to not feel' and i would interact with the Lord and tell Him about my dissappointed. but in large part i just tried to kill off the feelings of dissappointed.

loving charles and being loved by him has awakened my heart from hibernation. it has been a beuatiful thing to watch and even better to be a part of. i am so incredibly glad i married him. he is my better in just about every way there is...

here are 35 reasons i love charles (from the silly to the significant)...

1. how he loves me even when i'm dumb.
2. how he does his chores and sings.
3. how he forgives me.
4. how he is an immigrant that loves america and is grateful all the opportunities it affords him without buying all the american bullshit.
5. how he shows me what it means to have a joyful spirit.
6. how he doesn't agree with everything i say.
7. his love of pop music... including but not limited to- celiene dion, whitney houston and all things lional richie.
8. his love for academia and thinking.
9. he doesn't try to prove himself. he is comfortable with how God has made him.
10. he doesn't follow the crowd.
11. he helps me remember to confess my sin. sometimes i forget to.
12. how my fiesty niece will only listen to and obey him when surrounded by extended family.
13. he told me that i needed to recommit my life to Christ once... and he was right.
14. he sings 'a whole new world' to me often.
15. he gives most of his money away.
16. his smile.
17. sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and he is praying over me.
18. how he reads with a dictionary.
19. how he talks about his mom with so much respect.
20. his outlook is so loaded. it matches deep wisdom with simplicity in a way i've never seen.
21. he dances for me.
22. he wakes me up from bad dreams.
23. he wants to change the world- and i actually think he may.
24. how he wants to talk to my mom whenever i'm talking to her.
25. he has many reasons to be jaded about the world and people- but is not.
26. how he calls my mom- mum with his great british/ african accent.
27. how teachable he is.
28. how his default african country for someone's nationality is namibia.
29. how much i genuienly and deeply respect him and his life expereince.
30. how he is learning about aa to understand me better.
31. how he says 'this thing' when he can't think of the word.
32. how often he beats me at scrabble.
33. how he is teaching me igbou.
34. how committed to intercession he is...
35. his cute butt!

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 t o him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

~ ephesians 3.14-21

+++

today's chewable vitamin

O Rising Sun,
You are the splendour of eternal light
and the sun of justice.
o come and enlighten those who sit in darkness
and in the shadow of death.

~ taken from the celtic book of prayer

within the month...

i will be writing about a number of things. here are some:

:: why i love jesus.
:: my annual state of my union address.
:: a celebration of the life and times of charles obugo okonkwo.
:: what i learned in 2004
:: a mondo beyondo list

and more... stay tuned.

in other news- we had a house guest this weekend and i cracked my tailbone which is to say the very very least- a pain in my ass.

other than that we're making fires, and trying to fend off the cold with a myraid of busy work around the house. we have two birthday's in our family this week. i will tell you more about them when i post next.

i know that many of you have written to ask if i think donald rumsfeld should resign**- i will give you my answer. YES. he a crazy mofo. four more wars!!

a shout out to chris- his birthday is today and we love him.

** this is a fabrication.

these have been added since i posted this...

+++

chewable vitamin:

o Stock of Jesse,
You stand as a signal for the nations.
Kings fall silent before You whome the peoples acclaim.
o come to deliver us, and do no delay.

O come, Thou key of David, come,
and open wide our heavenly home;
make safe the way that leads on high,
and close the path to misery:

Rejoice! Rejoice! Immanuel
shall come to thee, O Israel.

today's chewable vitamin

"God of the watching ones,
give us your benediction

God of the waiting ones,
give us Your good word for our souls.

god of the watching ones,
the waiting ones,
the slow and suffering ones,
give us Your benediction,
Your good word for our souls,
that we might rest.

God of the watching ones,
the waiting ones,
the slow and suffering ones,

and of the angels in heaven,
and of the child in the womb,

give us Your benediction,
Your good word for our souls,
that we might rest and rise
in the Kindness of your company."

~taken from the celtic book of prayer

**tommorrow and tommorrow and tommorrow...

charles is off shooting a gun with a guy from kinship (at a shooting range). he was as giddie as a school girl about the whole thing. i hope it's not anti-climatic for him.

i was thinking of going upto church for this women's ministry thingy- but i will get there so late- i think i've decided to bag it for the night after i'm done.

+++

if you haven't ever treated yourself to a visit to real live preacher- go immediately. it's for your own good. for a special treat-read his series of stories written last advent about Jesus and all the adversity surrounding his arrival and how He came to save us. you can find it here.

and- i know it's a little late but i thought i'd post a compulation of on-line advent calenders...

not so aesthetic
a fun drawing
stained glass windows

+++

** the only shakespearian soliloquy i remember.

today's chewable vitamin
46 And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord 47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48 for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me– holy is his name.
50 His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.
51 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.
53 He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty.
54 He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful
55 to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers.”
~ luke 1.48-55

life and death

what a header huh?

well with the season and all- i've been thinking about life and how great it is to be able to celebrate the birth of my main man Jesus. this weekend i was able to think about death a little bit too. it is a good occasional practice for me and helps me to remember that i need to carpe diem and all that stuff.

what brought it to mind was going to pray for one of charles' new found friend who is dying. we had a nice time being together and it reminds me that i need to pray for the sick as often as the occasion presents itself. if nothing else- it helps me align what i say is important to me- and what i prove to be important to me.

as we were praying for bob (the man's name- if you'd like to pray for him); i cried. charles later inquired about why i got teary (b/c i only met this guy once). i tried to explain that it was probably mixture of sadness to see someone deteriorate so quickly (i only met him three weeks ago and he looked like a regular old man- and now he is merely a shell); that maybe it was the Holy Spirit's presence; or that i reminds me of my own father's death. i wasn't sure.

charles began to remind me the bitter SWEETNESS of death is for those that follow Jesus. he told me about the practice of his people group in nigeria. i thought i'd share a bit about it here. it was quite inspiring for me to hear. in part b/c i think 3/4 of everything my husbands says is brilliant and in part b/c we americans (imho) suffer the effects of lots of stoicim and control over our emotions for fear that they get the best of us or get messy.

in igbouland (south eastern nigeria) if charles' father were to die- charles buddies from childhood would travel from wherever they are in nigeria to be with charles and his family (this would be the case for the eldest son- which is charles). charles' family would be the guest of honor at a party that would last all week.

each day, charles and his friends would dance with lots of vigor (he promises to show me this dance but assures me i will be taken aback at how vigorous it is) and run around the villiage (that is the villiage that his dad grew up in and that charles' family would visit every summer from lagos where charles grew up). they would have a big picture of patrick (my father in law) and run around and charles would shout "THIS IS MY FATHER! THIS IS MY FATHER!".

they would eat lots of food (rice and stew) and cry and wail and tell stories about patrick.

this ritual is practiced every five years in commemoration of the death as long as the family wants to host it. charles ended his description of the ritual by saying, "it's the most beautiful practice my people have".

wow. for whatever reason i was so- i don't know- stunned- by this description. i think we would do well to learn from it. what stunned me most is that it continues at five year intervals. when i think about my dad's passing- i know that the acuteness of the pain i experienced watching him die- and his absence- has subsided quite a bit. i pray that i got the most out of that pain that i could... but somehow it does seem important to have a time to say- 'it still hurts, we still miss him!'

and how does this translate to all the advent that my devotional life has been consumed with you ask? well i guess i'm just really smitten with the baby Jesus! while this isn't novel to people that know the Story of Redemption; Christmas is special to us christians not simply b/c it celebrates the birth of Jesus. Christmas is special b/c the incarnation was instrumental in the Blueprint. Jesus was born so that He could live a sinless life; but ultimately- His entrance was to come to earth and be put to death. to die a wrongful death so i could be right with God.
that- my friends is blowing my mind today.

in tranditional/ liturgical settings it is common to have a potion of the eucharist meal repeated by congregants. it rings through my ears today "we celebrate his death until his coming".
perhaps i would benefit from running around a bit more and yelling,
"THIS IS MY FATHER! THIS IS MY FATHER!".

chewable vitamin:

"Lord Jesus,
Master of both the light and the darkness,
send your Holy Spirit upon our preparations for Christmas.
we who have so much to do seek quiet spaces
to hear Your voice each day.
we who are anxious over many things
look forward to Your coming among us.
we who are blessed in so many ways
long for the complete joy of Your kingdom.
we whose hearts are heavy seek the joy of Your presence."
~ henri nowen

for advent...
chewable vitamin:

R: Our God will come to save us!

I will hear what God proclaims; the LORD –
for he proclaims peace to his people.
Near indeed is his salvation to those who fear him, glory dwelling in our land.

R: Our God will come to save us!

Kindness and truth shall meet; justice and peace shall kiss.
Truth shall spring out of the earth, and justice shall look down from heaven.

R: Our God will come to save us!

The LORD himself will give his benefits; our land shall yield its increase.
Justice shall walk before him, and salvation, along the way of his steps.

R: Our God will come to save us!

read isaiah 35.1-10

ok my peeps

two things to blog about today.
both- pretty much meaningless.

1. my pinky is claustrophobic in my new hobo gloves.

has anyone else expereinced that?

2. things that keep me humble:
(in a not taking myself too seriously kinda way)

a car that blows her horn sporadically, randomlly, and involentarily.

has anyone else expereinced that?

tata for now.