funny thing #103 about being preggers...

if i have to go inside a gas station to pay for gas- i want to barf.

it's that rotisserre meat that is on those roller things for 15hrs daily. i only like gas stations that smell like bleach.

also- if you ever say the word, 'cured meat' to me- i want to barf. infact- if you say it to me- i might barf on you. try it. i'll show you my overactive gag reflex.

no joke.
typing the word is hard enough.
seriously.

why i make myself crazy

i don't know why i do this to myself. i do things knowing that it will only serve to get me wound up. basically- i watched the president speak last night and i'm still thinking about it.

within the first minutes he said this:

"...On 9/11, our nation saw the face of evil. Yet on that awful day, we also witnessed something distinctly American: ordinary citizens rising to the occasion, and responding with extraordinary acts of courage. We saw courage in office workers who were trapped on the high floors of burning skyscrapers, and called home so that their last words to their families would be of comfort and love. We saw courage in passengers aboard Flight 93, who recited the 23rd Psalm, and then charged the cockpit. And we saw courage in the Pentagon staff who made it out of the flames and smoke, and ran back in to answer cries for help..."

i was bothered by this statement and he lost me for the remainder of the 'memorial' speech. i wonder if president bush really thinks it is 'distinctly american' for ordinary people to rise to the occassion and show courage.

i found that statment to be obtuse, near-sighted, just plain prejudice or a smattering of all those things. i don't mean to detract from the tragedy of the day- or the heroism that it stirred. but i wonder if he was proposing that if this had happened in another part of the world that ordinary people would of responded differently. if so- you gotta wonder where what history books or dailys the guy reads. people around the world today fight more systemic, low grade (in some cases), unjust aggression without claiming that it is 'distinctly' sudanesse, ugandan, lebanese or israeli. these same people fight it with perserverance, without fanfare, and with the same heroism and courage that we saw from fellow americans on 911.

part of me thinks that us americans are overly sentimental. i know it is a bit of a sacrilidge to say that surrounding this event. but- this is coming from someone who considers herself to be thankful i was born in america, blessed by many of the wonderful things our country affords, not isolated and exposed to some amount of a global perspective, and a former resident of the great borough of manhattan in the wonderful city of New York.

it seems to me that what was so awful about september 11th is that it was the first huge wake up call of my lifetime- that we are like everyone else. in many ways- the tragedy initiated us into the world community. it is ironic that the same event is used by president bush's administration to draw the lines of distinction of where we are not like the world community and are exempt from some of the responsibilites and obligations that bind others (the commoners).

baby on brain

hello world.

i hope you are well. i am looking forward to autumn coming in full swing. other than that- my thoughts consist mostly about being a mom. which i don't think is the kind of thing that people find interesting to read. but it's the truth- i got baby on the brain. pregnancy has been quite revealing to me. sometimes i think i love it- the intensity the realness of everything. my senses are heightened and i experience life so differently. other times it is something i prefer to never relive.

i'm sure that i've always been self absorbed and have had some awareness that i had it in me- but that too- seems to be unusually acute. all and all i am very sure that i know less now in life than ever before in my adulthood. i really and truly have no idea what we've gotten ourselves into. it seems that we have entered the twilight zone. i know they say it's normal, but i think i thought i knew more than i actually do- and i am just now realizing it.

charles tells me not to worry- all we have to do is feed the baby and clean it. i find this incredibly endearing and a bit of perspective that while parenting is a responsibility- we can only do so much as a mom and a dad. i always thought that parents were supposed to save the world. perhaps this explains some of the disconnect i've expereinced w/ my own flawed but wonderful parents.

charles also tells me that i am dealing with pregnancy like 'a strong african woman'. which i find to be so encouraging and wonderful.

that's it for now.

bye!