chewable vitamin
"hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.” ~ langston hughes

plan
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.
i will clean my room this weekend.

chewable vitamin
“hear my cry, O God the Reader; vouchsafe that this my book fall not still-born into the world wilderness. let there spring, Gentle One, from out its leaves vigor of thought and thoughtful deed to reap the harvest wonderful. let the ears of a guilty people tingle with truth, and seventy millions sigh for the righteousness which exalteth nations, in this drear day when human brotherhood is mockery and a snare. thus in Thy good time may infinite reason turn the tangle straight, and these crooked marks on a fragile leaf be not indeed.” ~ w.e.b. du bois

ash wednesday
yet even now, says the Lord, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing. return to the Lord, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and relents from punishing. who knows whether he will not turn and relent, and leave a blessing behind him, a grain offering and a drink offering for the Lord, your God? ~ joel 2:12-14

+++ how have i unknowingly or knowingly strayed from you o God?
+++ break me from the bondage of self- that i may better do thy will.
+++ thank you for your patience w/ me. in this season build patience into me.

chewable
"repentance may begin instantly, but reformation often requires a sphere of years."
henry ward beecher

blind boys of alabama
went to a meeting (which was awesome), hung w/ sponsor and watched 24. a good evening. listening to these studs in my freagin cold room. i thought i'd recap my weekend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

weekend

it was an enjoyable weekend.

the low point was saying goodbye to charles for two weeks. he is staying up in cleveland with his cousin until his housing situation gets ironed out here in columbus.

my brief visit to cleveland was great. we headed up friday after work. our trip was tiring- but comic relief was provided through our pit stops. i got to thinking about how to explain the phenomena of the truck stops to charles. all the trinkets, glass figurines and random items- is this all things americana or what?

maybe or what...

when we arrived; we ate some mean goat meat- which it was very good. we also had plantians. which are always a welcomed!

saturday evening i met some long lost friends with whom i've been itching to reunite.

lori: her friends hip saw me through what may of been the loneliest and confusing season of my christian life. lori is now married w/ two beautiful kids.

shelby: it scares me sometimes how much our experiences, passions and struggles mirror eachother. she recently moved back from LA and is out of love w/ cincinnati.

engagement

:: my fiancé Charles and i…
:: me and my fiancé Charles…
:: my fiancé won the power ball- now, we’re independently wealthy…
:: oh- that belongs to my fiancé Charles; i’m sure he’d let you use it- he's very generous…
:: my fiancé Charles is a civil rights history buff…
:: my fiancé Charles has a truthful, grounded and simple outlook…
:: It's not scary to think about submitting to my fiancé Charles when he becomes my husband…
:: Charles, my fiancé has demonstrated what it means to consider another better than himself…
:: my fiancé Charles brings out the best in me…
:: Charles, my fiancé, helps to remind me of what is really important in life…

WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the 12s and Church
the benefits from the bylaws (and steps) of the 12 step movement to the Church
continued... (see previous post for more)

preface:
these are just my opinions. that's why these comments are on my blog. take them with a grain of salt. i could definitely be wrong.

my hope is that, i am increasingly able to share my point of view with respect and gentility. if you think I could say these things in a more loving way- please teach me. email me and let me know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i think every Christian could benefit from steps 4-9**
(i think all 12 are stellar but these in particular are a lost art in the Church)

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.

resentments
Newcomers get bitch slapped a lot. At least i did. i would say, "well so and so hurt me and they did me wrong"- sad face. i remember numerous occasions of drunkenness over an offense. i had no idea the power of pardon (anyone remember that line from schindler's list?).

Anyway, my sponsor would say, "so? Yes what happened is terrible- but forgiveness is not an option- it is a requirement for health, progress and freedom".

Many of you are have some familiarity with the program, either through me or another. One paramount mantra is that resentments are the number one offender of an addict. Meaning that it is the cause of relapse. The resentments that i have dealt with in the past and currently try to surrender are each a great opportunity for me.

We're all addicts to something to coin Wimber- so this could easily apply to anyone. To be a spiritually functioning and healthy person- it is in my best interest to work through resentments.

Resentments tell me something about myself if i let them (see 6-9). They tell me about the hurt or "defect" that i am acting from. if i bring this to the light- there is hope. if i do not; repeatable patterns are promised me.

** my understanding of the heart of these steps has evolved. at first it was an opportunity to tell someone about all the wickedness i had hidden that rotted me. this is certainly needed. but now, i am writing about how it applys to me today.

+++++++++++++
i love forgiveness. My life requires so much of it! i am so grateful for God's mercy and i get bummed when i think of the pain that must come my way before i release an offense and allow God?s love and forgiveness into it. it's so basic and profound for me to just soak in it.

the 12s and Church
the benefits from the bylaws (and steps) of the 12 step movement to the Church

preface:
these are just my opinions. that’s why these comments are on my blog. take them with a grain of salt. i could definitely be wrong.

my hope is that, i am increasingly able to share my point of view with respect and gentility. if you think I could say these things in a more loving way- please teach me. email me and let me know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon *our* unity.

i don’t have this all ironed out.

Unity within the Church is a concrete apologetic. Without it, we are easy to marginalize and are not distinctly different than a social club. This is a goal worth tabling our differences for and focusing on the things we agree on.

2. Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

i like that the program is clear that it’s mission is life and death. That’s it. Drunkenness and sobriety. in the program there are reminders that our destiny outside of sobriety is institutions, correctional facilities or death. The primary purpose is to take the message of hope to those who suffer.

The Church could benefit greatly from revisiting, and soaking up the basics. Jesus is not a hobby that we dabble in on Sunday’s or whenever. The Revolution is not something we philosophize about to pass the day. We are to live and do. Love and restore. My choice to submit to the Lord and say yes in the moment is that important. is that too dramatic?

There’s a lot of bullshit out there that is simply superfluous. i’m sure plenty of good folks disagree with me (that side arguments are superfluous); that’s ok. Hopefully, we can agree that the message of Jesus is revolutionary and asks for our whole lives. And that this fact is worth rallying around and focusing on.

8. the program should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

(i know that there are situations that may be better served with professional clergy roles.)

What would this look like if applied to more situations in the church? i think it would break a cycle that can stunt the growth of believers. The cycle as i see it is that it is someone else’s responsibility to show Jesus to your friends. This is not true.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV.

i don’t know how this could happen- and i don’t mean to sound like i have a bad case of black/white thinking; but i think it would be a great thing for Disciples to reclaim the responsibility of talking about Jesus to their friends rather than referring them to a book or website.

This would also instill that my life is the main source for people to know more about the God that i serve, rather than referring out.

Yes, there are probably plenty of people of people who have their appetite wetted for Jesus through Christian radio, books, or whatever. But it seems like the press that these types of things receive are balanced between (on one side) people who have had their interest peaked; and critics (both non Christians; and Christians). Christians have been given fair warning that we (or the stuff we 'produce') will not be welcomed w/ open arms by the larger society; and i'm not sure that i'm right about this or not- i'm kinda just floating the idea.

Yes, there is beauty in discourse and democracy- but it is hard to listen to Christians making fun of others in the body of Christ under the guise of being more intellectual astute- or not as susceptible to a trend/ consumerist mentality. i guess i think it’s fine to critique stuff- but remember Eph 4.30 for pete’s sake (where does this phrase come from) and don’t put it on the internet or talk to Larry King about it.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.

anonymity

This is when you here people in 12 step programs respond to your question, ‘how do you know that guy- what’s his last name?’ and they reply, ‘i just know him as tom’.

The application for the church is not that our faith is private and to be kept anonymous- but instead a reminder that our faith is not just about me as an individual. Our words and actions reflect on the larger whole. Our faith is not simply about the individual or their recovery from sin.

i love this tradition. it reminds me that my taste does not matter. My taste in people is not something that is held in high regard. it is not the point of why i am at a meeting. i am not here to follow the teachings of a person. it prevents hero worship or personality driven dynamics over-riding the Principle i should be focused on.

How does this translate? i think of the persecuted church, or a country where christianity is a newer introduction to the society. While i lived in Albania, i went to a church that was Brethren and i had to wear a head covering. While i didn’t agree with the doctrine of covering your head- the Principle of being tied w/ the larger Body was more important.

American Christians are at risk of resembling spoiled children who assume that the variety that is a luxury has become a right that we demand.

The Principle- in this case- The Revolution of the Kingdom of God, the advancement of Gospel Shalom- trumps preferences of expression and should silence even productive sounding discourse (at the level of press radio and film- see comments on Tradition 11).

chewable vitamin

"the greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
~ nelson mandela
(this is one of my favorite websites)

im w/ jack
he's my 4 yr. old nephew (one of two)

me: andrea?
thesullys: no jack
me: hi jack!
thesullys: i love you
me: i love you too!
me: i thought u were at school?
thesullys: **imagine green sick looking smiley face**
thesullys: that is my favorite smiley
me: maybe u just got back
me: that's a funny one
thesullys: qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
thesullys: Daddy is helping me twype
me: ah ha
me: !
thesullys: wqerfdsazxcvbnmuiopoiuytrekjkk
me: r u playing games?
thesullys: but i'm not!
thesullys: fjrom daddy and jack
thesullys: we put the car into the mechanic
me: you're a good typer dude
thesullys: and hdq qto qqpaqckq qevqeryonqe but aidan into the passat
me: got it
thesullys: qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
me: so glad u got the asspat?
thesullys: jack is q hap
thesullys: happ
thesullys: y
me: wouldn't u be?
thesullys: i ate cheese tortillas for lunch
thesullys: nora is crying so we might have to get over to her
thesullys: did nana get her flowers
me: tomorrow
thesullys: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
me: classic

postables
a variety of things that i could report on- but i don’t really have time to filter my disjointed thoughts into an appropriate ‘postable’ format. so, for now, i will post a silly list and hope to post something incredibly meaningful and profound this weekend.

today, i am looking forward to introducing friends from my former workplace (gretchen and korge) to charles; and introducing charles to barley’s where we will hang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

random things ranging from funny to ridiculous…
~ the uproar from non adoptive fundamentalist christians over gay couples who adopt.
~ that veternarians make more money than teachers.
~ that more people don't think like me. ;)
~ my little niecey wants badly to throw things up in the air but can’t seem to figure out how to release something from her grip.
~ boxing.
~ atheists in AA.
~ the fees involved in burial and given to the funeral industry.

chewable vitamin
"when peoples care for you and cry for you, they can straighten out your soul.”
~ langston hughes

today's summary

lowlight: rotolo's has become a chain. tis a good thing to spread the wealth.. i guess. but it feels like a sell out.
highlight: the sun. the fact that i came to work in the light and will return in the light... the days are getting longer!

in light of the fact that i have just completed an hour by playing with candle wax, memorized by the candle light, and listening to van morrison- i couldn't in good faith post a serious chewable for the day. so here you have it...

chewable vitamin
"you know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is chinese, the swiss hold the america's cup, france is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in america are named 'bush', 'dick', and 'colon'."
~ chris rock

coming soon
++ principles from aa that could benefit the church
++ wwjb
++ boundaries for bloggers

~~~~~~~

interesting article of the day from the don of the ny times.

chewable vitamin
“if future generations are to remember us more with gratitude than sorrow, we must achieve more than just the miracles of technology. we must also leave them a glimpse of the world as it was created, not just as it looked when we got through with it.”
~ lyndon baines johnson

weekend
sleep
throw stuff away
goto west African grocery
cook at kay’s?
megan for Indian food
coffee w/ debbie
sleep
meet the press
brunch w/ the fam
van Morrison
stereolab
look for work
finish book
hyperlink ass off

hilarious
i heart the internet.

daily chewable vitamin
"if there is no struggle, there is no progress."
~ frederick douglas

testing
this is an imagine from the work of chaim soutine. he rocks. i saw an exhibit of his work at the jewish museum. is this legal what i'm doing here? how do i make this smaller? i have no idea what i'm doing.

chewable vitamin
“when we look around us at some of the conflict areas of the world, it becomes increasingly clear that there is not much of a future for them without forgiveness, without reconciliation. God has blessed us richly so that we might be a blessing to others. quite improbably, we as south africans have become a beacon of hope to others locked in deadly conflict that peace that a resolution, is possible. if it could happen in South Africa, then it can certainly happen anywhere else. such is the exquisite divine sense of humor.”
~ bishop desmond tutu
from the preface of the truth and reconciliation commission**
**see more commentary on this in 1.29.04 entry

uneventful
i helped my mom do door stuffing for the levy last night. i am totally wiped out. we were supposed to hang over dinner with some good folk over dinner. i am honestly a bit relieved that it won't happen. not b/c i don't adore them- but i am spent.

i hosted another baby shower for a girlfriend from highschool which was nice. however, it was tricky without the fox at my disposal. but everything got done and i am supposed to pick up the pimped out fox today at 3pm. hopefully, i won't have any more maintenance for awhile.

i had a good job interview last week. but it kinda stressed me out b/c they talked about the salary- which i was not prepared to think about- let alone talk about. i'm pretty sure i would like the job. but the salary scares me.

i felt like a complete failure last night. but my sponsor gave me a pep talk. then i regained perspective. i can loose it in a matter of moments and it really can be the most important factor and rudder to my mood. it is ok that i am poor and temping at 30. it is ok that i am poor and temping at 30. it is ok... nix that. actually- my mantra should be that i am not defined by my income or vocation. she (my sponsor) helped me to remember that life doesn't just happen to me; but that i have choices (although half my battle is seeing them/ creating them). i am grateful for her.

tonight, i'm going to visit my friend who had nuerosurgery yesterday morning. i'm bringing her traveling mercies for her reading enjoyment during her recovery. anne lamott reminds me of my friend very much. plus, the book was a good read. i'm supposed to do her families laundry tomorrow at her house. i think i will skip kinshit.

charles is currently de-icing the 6 inches of ice on our stoop and walkway. gotta love that guy.

chewable vitamin
“character, not circumstances, makes the man.”
~booker t. washington

doubled
am doubled over in pain. got estimate for fox.

this saddened me.

things i can count on...
~ if i do the same things i ¡'ve done; ¡'ll get the same things ¡'ve got.
~ seeing my dad in heaven w/ a New Body.
~ i will be hurt by others. intentionally and unintentionally.
~ it is more important for me to forgive than it is for me to understand.
~ it is to my benefit to not be have a demanding spirit or be a brat in relation to the Lord and those around me.
~ if I allow the Lord to change me; He will.
~ God's love for me.
~ when i make good decisions; i feel good; even when the decision is hard. when i make bad ones; i feel like crap.