cliff note okonkwo plus link bonus

here are some links i found that i wanted to post b/c i think they are funny, worthwhile, or both.

• africa action
• women changing zimbabwe. listen to npr coverage here.
• a picture of your pockets.
• find some junk and make a magazine
• rude notes from passive aggressive or aggressive aggressive people.
• public spaces in neighborhoods.
• ban comic sans
• the micah challenge
• africa faith and justice network

as for constance, she continues to do wonderfully. she is getting more and more hair that doesn't seem to add in length only density. she is a thrill and keeps us laughing with her flirting (chin tucked snugly in chest while batting lashes- no joke), her squealing, ability to follow along vaguely to singing and of course- her smile that melts our hearts. she also continues to grab her hair, roll over and is working daily with her father doing 'exercises' to sit up. i think next month charles may enroll her to take the MCAT. we will see.

here are some more pics


big girl loves the swing.


on daddy's back in the wrapper.


practicing sitting up.

her joy in singing has allowed me to perfect my own version of opera man.

all in all things are well here at cas del okonkwo.

is that so wrong?

i just gave constance a hickey. can you blame me?

this, that and the other...

jen and constance

my sweet friend jen was in town this past weekend and we hung together. she wanted to eat constance but i told her she was not allowed. she likes new jersey and i think we may visit her when we goto visit my aunt this summer in philly.

i will...

• get outside daily w/ constance. running errands doesn't count. driving to the park to walk does. weather it's in the yard or for a walk- i WILL get out.
• figure out how to get more than one thing done (as in completed) around the house.
• paint the three season room.
• make a plan for the garden and figure out the reasonable cost effective steps to implement it in stages.

i won't...

• watch the view anymore. i feel too lame doing it.
• compulsively check blogs throughout the day. i will try to keep blogsurfing confined to one time daily. i forgot how addictive this can be.

things ebele is doing lately:

• smile and smirk a ton. she does it in a discerning way though...
  
• kicking and i think getting momentum to rollover sometime- or do the reverse worm move from break dancing. one of the two- i'm not sure which.
• passing enormous amounts of gas.
• clutching fabric.
• squirming her way out of swaddle and hitting self in face then screaming.
• converse and babble as if what she is saying makes complete sense.
• communicate that her pacifier is 'so 90's' by saying it, then spitting it angrily across the room.

she continues to:
+ slobber a lot
+ look insanely cute all the time.
+ rings hands while nursing

updates and whatnot

well if you have not picked up on this- i absolutely love being a mom. i knew that i would like it. but it is way way better than i thought. i am absolutely nuts about constance. shes the kind of baby that i put her down to sleep and i can't wait till she gets up so i can see her again and be together. she is laughing and smiling more and more which is a complete joy. it is amazing how a baby can transform you into a complete and blubbering idiot. charles walks around doing jazz hands all day and i no longer talk. i just make odd noises and screeches to get her to respond and continue her 'verbalization'. seriously? charles hasn't walked a normal step with the baby awake in i don't know how long. he's always dancing or something ridiculous and we have been reduced to being complete goof balls- and unabashedly so...

in other news- i got fired from my job. which kinda stinks and you would think illegal to do while on maternity leave. but i don't really care. aside from having your dignity suspended when your baby arrives; adding constance to our family has certainly changed my perspective on what is worth fighting for and where i want my energy to go. needless to say, it was an easy decision to not o fight for a job that nearly drove me to the edge.

aside from being entertained by her parents each day- constance has developed her first crush. she is mesmerized by red kitty. red kitty sits atop her bouncy seat. constance stares at it and smiles and laughs. it's the best. here's a picture of the androgynous but good looking kitty. the kid has good taste...



i got an ipod and frankly- i don't get the hype. i got a nano that fits fifty songs. itunes has been giving me fits and i am a bit put off by the whole experience. i got it before constance got here- but have forgotten to write about my disappointment. i'm disappointed.

speaking of forgetting... will my brain ever recover from pregnancy and nursing? someone please tell me yes. it does seem that with every ounce of milk that exists my body- brain matter and cells do as well.

charles is just about done with vli. i'm so proud of him. the dude is tired! vli burned me out- which is probably more of a statement on where i was in life when i did it. but it makes me feel a little better that someone as devout and responsible as charles also shows the wear and tear.

in sad news- we're selling the fox this weekend. i love that car. love it. i am so attached to it- but alas she needs to goto a home that can take better car of her. a vw mechanic is buying it so i know that she will be well loved. i will post pictures and stories later on why i love that car so much. we will be a one car family again. this time we will have a mazda. nothing against our mazda but it is boring and mainstream and i resent it a little. i should be grateful. but instead i resent it... a car. i resent a car. how lame am i?

i'm reading an interesting book called, 'not buying it- my year w/o shopping.' i decided to actually finish a book before i start another. we'll see how it goes. i've been reading so many different books that it is hard to keep track of them all and it takes longer to get through them for me. so we'll see how this strategy pans out.

tonight, i'm hoping to goto this movie. please let me know if you'd like to go with...

have a good weekend.

my inner pakistani....

i seem to sing constance songs w/ a pakistani accent.

note to self

the best way to get people to comment on blog is to shamelessly post photos of adorable daughter...

...and stuff.

well- life is good here. i look at constance throughout the day and think my heart may seriously burst. my uniform designate for this activity is my bathrobe. she sits on my chest and draws these sweet shallow breathes that melt my heart. when she awaken from a milky stupor- she stretches like she's jackie joyner kersey. omg- how she stretches! the intensity in her face amazes me.

i have been reading lots and have enjoyed many a movie on our new (and short lived blockbuster on line membership). it is only short lived b/c of the budget. it was a designated expense to engage us during maternity leave so my mind doesn't goto mush. i have enough to combat w/ the effects my hormones have done and will continue to do to my brain. i need adult conversation! and i'm getting lots of it- which i'm grateful for. i have been concerned that charles and i will have nothing to talk about other than our baby. not that there's anything wrong w/ talking about constance- but one of the major sources of attraction between the two of us has always been our stimulating conversation. i'll chronicle some of the reading/ watching soon.

my sister in law is coming this weekend which we are all very excited about... we are also begininng the introdution of important music in constance's life. just this afternoon- we turned up kirk franklin's 'revolution' and boogied. good times i tell you. we're also starting the u2 indoctrination and vintage stevie wonder as well. fela anikulapo kuti has also been introduced to constance's musical diet.

that is it for now.

our week

our week has consisted of nursing, changing diapers and staying in our pajamas. we got out to run some errands on tuesday- just charles and i which was nice. our church family has been so kind to deliver meals since we've been home stretching into next week which has been so wonderful. it's so great to serve and be served- to love and be loved. few things are better!

saturday was the worse day ever (probably not really)- but it certainly felt that way. sunday was one of the best days ever. that's a snap shot of my emotional state right now. everything is very intense. i can't pray w/o weeping and i can't be mad w/o yelling. saturday my milk began to come in which made nursing very stressful and knowing that feeding is linked to resolving jaundice made me particularly stressed out. we went to the doctor friday, saturday and again monday to monitor constance's billrubin reading. by monday her pediatrician deemed that it was regulating which was such a relief. please continue to pray for this.

saturday night my mom spent the night b/c charles had to work. he won't go back to work until next wednesday which is very much a blessing. we are doing well- saturday was pretty rough between us b/c i was a wicked bitch to him- but couldn't help it. my wicked bitchedness- was wholly unwarranted- but i really was out of control. luckily things have improved on that front and we've resumed taking my 'nice pills'. these consist of an imaginary dose of pills that charles gives me and then we resume our family tradition of rubbing faces together and then rubbing faces all three of us together. constance likes it- which we're grateful. i do the same for him on occasion- but i have been the one that historically needs more nice treatments in our marriage.

it also helps to fit constance's whole foot in my mouth. i know... we're incorrigible. we're already using our kid for entertainment value. she also sucks on the tip of my nose which also provides hearty laughs which helps my seratonin levels.

it has snowed here lately- which is beautiful and it has been bitterly cold so we haven't left the house if we don't have to. that makes the snow even more awe inspiring and less annoying than if we had to make it out daily.



we've had wonderful visits from dear people. many of whom we've asked to pray over constance and bless her. it has been such a blessing to me as well. the saturday before i delivered constance one of our family's closest friends had a beautiful and small shower w/ my mom's closest friends. these are women that have known me since i was a young lass- some since i was in conceived. an irish blessing was said to begin our meal and over constance and i and i was just struck at how pivotal these women's relationships w/ my mom were to me and who i am becoming. they have truly been there in the best of times and the worst of times. they have prayed my mom and i through many difficult spots in my life and in our relationship. while my relationship w/ my mom is far from perfect- i know that their prayers have added wholeness and health to my relationship w/ my mom and w/ myself as well.

here are some pictures of our afternoon:

curls and such...

well- she's here. constance ebelechukwu okonkwo...

and so are they. the 'they' that i speak of are the curls. here are some pics to partake of and enjoy. as you can see, she's jaundice. that's a matter of prayer if you pray for us. please pray constance nurses and feeds well so that things resolve themselves. her doc (whom we love) says things are on the right track- so that makes this mama very relieved.

it all started monday evening the 29th of janaury. i arrived home from work exhausted around 6pm and charles left for kinship. i was determined to stay up for 24 and made it but started having contractions (or what i know now were contractions) as i watched. so those pains and whatnot that have been happening throughout january i can now identify as contractions. we watched 24 and decided to goto bed. i laid there but didn't sleep. the contractions were regular and pretty intense and we were both excited amidst the pain. we knew we would see our baby soon!

by 1am i decided to hop in the shower and stayed there for a long time and loved it. then i started throwing up. which- for anyone that knows me- i hate vomit. i know- i know- no one likes barfing- but i really loathe it. by 3am we decided to goto riverside hospital. we arrived and i was triaged and they determined i was 5cm ( still can't believe that dialation is measured in centimeters. it hurts just thinking about it). we were both thrilled to be so far along.

by 9am tuesday i had barfed a number of times more and was hooked up to an i.v. i had gained a centimeter and was exhausted. they wanted to give me petocin (sp?) or break my water. i wanted neither. but when my doctor (whom i admire and trust very much) endorsed the water breakage - i became more willing. it didn't end up happening (the water breakage) until about 1pm that day. in the meantime, we decided to do the epidural.

our hope was to not do the epidural- but exhaustion and a bit of discouragement made me willing. in hindsight- we are both grateful for that decision b/c my whole perspective and outlook changed. i was hopeful and excited again and comfortable and able to nap for an hour. it was a good decision and i was relieve that charles was so into it as well (he was more set to not to do the epidural- although easy for him to say...).

so by 3pm my epidural my epidural was re-dosed and i took another hour nap. by this time i was at 7cm and was getting antsy. i woke up from my nap w/ an urgency to get the baby out and meet her. by this time- i was fully dialated and they determined that she was posterior- meaning the back of her head was facing my belly button rather than my spine. a resident managed to turn her and said we should prepare if there was not more progress soon that we may need a c-section.

it seemed like on a whim that the resident suggest i push some. my pushing was productive and so we did that for about an hour beginning at 5.30pm. we had this mirror on the ceiling so i could watch which i thought would be very motivating. for the most part, i was actually discouraged by the progress i saw. but then around 6.30pm constance's head crowned and she was just past my pelvic bone. two more pushes and out she came!

it was truly the most amazing site i've ever seen. i felt so empowered and blessed b/c i didn't think we could do it! i just kept saying 'we did it! we did it!' i was so proud of all of us. our nurse was phenomenal and charles- well... charles was an absolute blessing to me. he was so kind and patient and attentive. he was also gentle and quiet until the baby got here. then he started shouting and singing. i love that guy. he took great pictures. many of which are a little x rated- of the baby coming out. we won't be posting those- but i'm so happy we got those images.

we did have a wonderful first meeting w/ constance- she was alert and tried to nurse within the hour and we just stared at each other in awe. she screamed her head off and we loved the sound of it. charles and i were both so overcome w/ gratitude for a healthy daughter and a uneventful delivery.

my mom and sister came into the labor and delivery room to meet constance after she came and prior to going to our room. they both cried and were so excited to meet her and for us as well. both of them were so wonderful and continue in that vein. we called my brother in nashville and called charles' parents as well. throughout the labor half of nigeria called charles on his cell phone. this was a point of contention w/ charles b/c he answered many of the calls. i was like, 'what the hell are you doing answering your cell phone? i'm splitting in two here...'. at one point i threatened to throw the cell phone across the room. but nevertheless we also had half of nigeria praying for us and loving us from afar and i'm sure that combined w/ all our wonderful freinds and family saw us through.



one week old




aunt megan, constance, and cousin laurel

only last week- i joked w/ my friend and coworker gino about the lent promotion for fish for our client. that same day, labor began and the process of contance's arrival was well underway. it's amazing how your life can change in a matter of moments.




for those of you that have wondered- here are some pics of where i work. soon- i will be on an eleven week (now ten) hiatus that i am looking forward to...



front view of desk



my view...



the output...


chewable vitamin:
"i have found the paradox that if i love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." ~mother teresa

on having a girl... constance ebele

so- we're having a girl. i already mentioned it but it has consumed my thoughts of late.

we're excited. but when i think about it too much i get kinda scared. here are some things that i have been thinking about lately.

i found some comfort in the thought of having a boy b/c if i had a baby boy i would pass off half my mistakes in raising him with the excuse, 'how am i supposed to know? i'm a girl.' but w/ a girl i feel more pressure to know what i'm doing*.

nikki told me a story recently about her girls getting the shaft from other little girls and it dawned on me that i've forgotten how mean girls can be to each other. i work with lots of men and my closest relationships with women are safe and whole. even the relationships w/ women that aren't whole or are in some state of disarray- it's not b/c someone is just plain mean spririted. but i've forgotten that i had to pass through all that to get here. and granted- it was worth it b/c my freindships are prized gift of mine- one i' thought i'd never have- but omg- constance is going to have to do all that. it's mortifying really. mortifying to think of our little girl is going to have her feelings hurt by other little girls. it is also daunting to think that i am going to have to parent her through all those hurt feelings.

i don't remember talking about my feelings getting hurt much growing up. which could explain a lot about the long road it has taken me to do it (that i'm still on) as an adult and deal w/ disappointment and feeling left out or whatever. i think i was just busy doing something else and didn't pay attention to my feelings. i'm sure some of that is the environment i grew up in (for better or worse) and the different things our family went through when i was young. but thinking about how to provide an environment like that for constance is intimidating.

i guess this is the kind of stuff you hear people talking about when they say parenthood peels back another layer of how dependent we really are on Jesus. it's just a matter of how much we yeild to that reality and access the power of the Spirit in parenting i suppose. this all sounds good- but i really have no idea what i'm talking about- it's just seems like more and more of a reality. just like when people tell you marriage is a lot of work- you can't know until you actually do it and find yourself bitching about the smell of liver and sardines reaks on the house or something equally mundane and trite(not that i've ever done that).

speaking of equally mundane and nerve racking things that float in my head- what kind of hair will constance have? i've been praying that she gets the best of both charles' and my features. there's a new guy at work cleon- who does hair on the side- i'll have to ask him what shampoo to use for a baby. how will i learn to tame it? when do people start w/ braids? how expensive are braids? how do you wash braids?

in the meantime i'm trying to find a piece of artwork for constance's room from a nigerian woman artist and something cool w/ sojourner truth. i don't know if i should give it to someone to photoshop it and andy warhol it- or if a nicely framed print will suffice. i do wonder how we will navigate all the culture nuances of being nor only bi-racial but from two different cultures. we're trying to bring my mother in law here this spring to be with us for some months. this is both wonderful and stressful to consider. it is comforting b/c it's very very important to me that charles' family know that i love him being nigerian and i don't want america to beat it out of him. it will also help b/c we want constance to have an integrated sense of her heritage and having christiana with us get us off on the right foot. but you know i haven't really had the pleasure/opportunity/ neccessity of navigating the legendary mother in law relationship. we jkust talk on the phone once a month and chuckle at eachother's feeble attempts to speak english/igbo.

the good news is that i don't think i'll have to deal w/ any of that manipulative bull that we americans pull on each other in our families. more than likely- i won't ever wonder what my mother in law thinks about my mothering style (unless i choose to)- she'll just come right out and tell me i'm doing it wrong. and then i can tell her that i'm not, thank her for her input, ask her to be quiet and move on. easier said than done... but we'll see. i actually appreciate that about nigerian culture. for the most part- it is what you see is what you get.

these are my thoughts this day.

hope you had a good weekend.

* i should say that i'm the type that if we were having a boy i would be freaking out about that too. i have an unusual talent to stress about just about anything.