can one flunk blogging?

OK- so i'm not a straight A-front of the class- kind of blogger. whose effin' reading this anyways?

don't worry i'm not bitter- i've regained composure.

apparently, this is my first blog as a dreaded 'thirty-something'. my birthday came and went without any tears or meltdowns. i spent it in chicago with my pregnant friends and it was wonderful. we spent most of the official day in oak park admiring FLW's work. it was sweet. no time in the city though.

work continues to be a bit taxing. still waiting for answers and blunkin' things up. but whadya gunna do? i guess i've just decided to show up everyday, work hard and sleep well.

trying to collect my thoughts about my future. the no of grad school took the wind out of me and it has taken me a couple months (two) to get the stones to think up something else to do. maybe get my associates in nursing? there's a wonderful job skill! i would never have a job security concern again. a marriage of practical and meaningful.

verdict still out on this bloggin bit. it continues to strike me as a bit voyeuristic. is that good, bad or gray?

i'm famous

hello- to my millions of fans- who are now addicted to this blog (all four posts) and have logged on religiously each day to see if there's anything new. i have had a weird week. i am waiting to hear about my status at work. there is a chance i will move into the real world and be a full fledged employee- we will see. it is an acounting job. i got my degree in art education. needless to say, it's not the perfect job for me. however, i think i will be devestated if i don't get it. i hate being unemployed and underemployed and hearing no so much and so often. i would love a bit more stability in my life! so i have been a bit stressed at work.

the high light of my week was coffee with a friend. she is engaged to an international and our conversation grounded me in some of the benefits of dating men with non-american baggage. it was encouraging. charlie brown continues to hold my interest. he seems very kind and lacks pretention. i enjoy talking to him and it seems very natural. i am apprehensive about seeing him and hope it won't be anticlimatic for him or for me.

getting ready to leave for chicago and hope it lessens the blow of leaving my twenties. it will be good to be with close friends.

updates and whatnot

woke up later than i wanted to this morning. i sat and watched the wind blow in the aftermath of a storm that rolled through this area for 15 minutes or so in a catatonic like state. i love lazy mornings. the sun is peering through the clouds just before it hibernates again in prep for another storm that is supposed to come through this evening. no real agendas this morning. love it!

i did try to square away my quicken- but to no avail. i just use that program to see where all my money goes- not to balance my checkbook. i haven't balanced my checkbook since i was 20 or something. according to quicken i'm overdrawn 4.2 million dollars. thank god i am not.

thinking about going to my semi regular homegroup at 1pm. it's a good meeting. i fondly call it the WWF meeting b/c people always end up fighting about something or another. pretty cantankerous group of drunks. there's good sobriety there and it keeps my attention to boot. my hair looks like a freagin' afro though- to shower, or not to shower- that is the question...

what's the point of blogging?

is the point of blogging to have people read what i write? i kinda don't care if people read it. knowing that i can remain somewhat anonymous and inaccessible is appealing to me it is (and why i don't have a cell phone). will i tell people i'm blogging? doubt it... then i would self censor- what fun is that? then it would be the same as the rest of life- questioning why i said that and wondering what so-n- so thought of it. my life is inhibited enough-

so there's this lady that i work with. for our purposes here we will call her ida. god bless ida! she is a cracked pot. she is always talking about how she's gotta take her xanax. i just smile and nod. she told me she was chronically ill with sinusitis- whatever the hell that is. i thought that maybe i should offer to pray for her but haven't done that yet. i swear if i followed through with half of my intentions and ideas- i think i would be much happier with who i am! she asked if i would be willing to walk with her at lunch sometime during the week... perhpas this will give another oppotunity to actually do what i think i should- rather than pass another opportunity by to be helpful and kind to someone who may need it. i can tell ida just wants someone to listen to her and love her. i hope i can do that.

i decided to lurk around some of these blogs to get some idea of how they are supposed to look and the purose they serve. then i scrapped that idea. i guess i will just let this blog be whatever it is supposed to be. plus i looked at lots of people my age who are gen x-ers and Believers as well. i'm so OD-ed on the whole 'i'm a post modern' schtick. not that there's anything wrong with that- i'm just tired of it.

want to try this feature (to promote a site i frequent)

anticlimactisim

so i just looked at my blog and it was anticlimactic. how these people get their sites to look so sweet is beyond me. i guess that's the benefit of having a mac. i am here at work covering the phones while the employees are in a staff meeting. i am what they call a "temporary employee". i get to do mindless work all day long for a small wage- but hey- i'm grateful. atleast i have somewhere to go everyday- right?

i recently saw a pbs special on anne lamott. it was pretty inspiring. she is a very talented writer. maybe that's what this blog could be for me- a creative outlet to write. maybe it will take no direction at all. i don't even undertand how this works. but the same is true of many useful things that i benefit from- so why should this be any different?

lamott encourages wannabe writers to just keep writting and go with the process. i've never thought of myself as a writer; but i do enjoy it, and think i have some propensity for it- so why not try? what do i have to loose? nothing really! i know that i benefit from the creative process- so i might as well engage in it, even if the only one that enjoys it is me.

first post

well, i've never done this before. i guess this is what they call "blogging". we will see