...and stuff.

well- life is good here. i look at constance throughout the day and think my heart may seriously burst. my uniform designate for this activity is my bathrobe. she sits on my chest and draws these sweet shallow breathes that melt my heart. when she awaken from a milky stupor- she stretches like she's jackie joyner kersey. omg- how she stretches! the intensity in her face amazes me.

i have been reading lots and have enjoyed many a movie on our new (and short lived blockbuster on line membership). it is only short lived b/c of the budget. it was a designated expense to engage us during maternity leave so my mind doesn't goto mush. i have enough to combat w/ the effects my hormones have done and will continue to do to my brain. i need adult conversation! and i'm getting lots of it- which i'm grateful for. i have been concerned that charles and i will have nothing to talk about other than our baby. not that there's anything wrong w/ talking about constance- but one of the major sources of attraction between the two of us has always been our stimulating conversation. i'll chronicle some of the reading/ watching soon.

my sister in law is coming this weekend which we are all very excited about... we are also begininng the introdution of important music in constance's life. just this afternoon- we turned up kirk franklin's 'revolution' and boogied. good times i tell you. we're also starting the u2 indoctrination and vintage stevie wonder as well. fela anikulapo kuti has also been introduced to constance's musical diet.

that is it for now.

our week

our week has consisted of nursing, changing diapers and staying in our pajamas. we got out to run some errands on tuesday- just charles and i which was nice. our church family has been so kind to deliver meals since we've been home stretching into next week which has been so wonderful. it's so great to serve and be served- to love and be loved. few things are better!

saturday was the worse day ever (probably not really)- but it certainly felt that way. sunday was one of the best days ever. that's a snap shot of my emotional state right now. everything is very intense. i can't pray w/o weeping and i can't be mad w/o yelling. saturday my milk began to come in which made nursing very stressful and knowing that feeding is linked to resolving jaundice made me particularly stressed out. we went to the doctor friday, saturday and again monday to monitor constance's billrubin reading. by monday her pediatrician deemed that it was regulating which was such a relief. please continue to pray for this.

saturday night my mom spent the night b/c charles had to work. he won't go back to work until next wednesday which is very much a blessing. we are doing well- saturday was pretty rough between us b/c i was a wicked bitch to him- but couldn't help it. my wicked bitchedness- was wholly unwarranted- but i really was out of control. luckily things have improved on that front and we've resumed taking my 'nice pills'. these consist of an imaginary dose of pills that charles gives me and then we resume our family tradition of rubbing faces together and then rubbing faces all three of us together. constance likes it- which we're grateful. i do the same for him on occasion- but i have been the one that historically needs more nice treatments in our marriage.

it also helps to fit constance's whole foot in my mouth. i know... we're incorrigible. we're already using our kid for entertainment value. she also sucks on the tip of my nose which also provides hearty laughs which helps my seratonin levels.

it has snowed here lately- which is beautiful and it has been bitterly cold so we haven't left the house if we don't have to. that makes the snow even more awe inspiring and less annoying than if we had to make it out daily.



we've had wonderful visits from dear people. many of whom we've asked to pray over constance and bless her. it has been such a blessing to me as well. the saturday before i delivered constance one of our family's closest friends had a beautiful and small shower w/ my mom's closest friends. these are women that have known me since i was a young lass- some since i was in conceived. an irish blessing was said to begin our meal and over constance and i and i was just struck at how pivotal these women's relationships w/ my mom were to me and who i am becoming. they have truly been there in the best of times and the worst of times. they have prayed my mom and i through many difficult spots in my life and in our relationship. while my relationship w/ my mom is far from perfect- i know that their prayers have added wholeness and health to my relationship w/ my mom and w/ myself as well.

here are some pictures of our afternoon:

curls and such...

well- she's here. constance ebelechukwu okonkwo...

and so are they. the 'they' that i speak of are the curls. here are some pics to partake of and enjoy. as you can see, she's jaundice. that's a matter of prayer if you pray for us. please pray constance nurses and feeds well so that things resolve themselves. her doc (whom we love) says things are on the right track- so that makes this mama very relieved.

it all started monday evening the 29th of janaury. i arrived home from work exhausted around 6pm and charles left for kinship. i was determined to stay up for 24 and made it but started having contractions (or what i know now were contractions) as i watched. so those pains and whatnot that have been happening throughout january i can now identify as contractions. we watched 24 and decided to goto bed. i laid there but didn't sleep. the contractions were regular and pretty intense and we were both excited amidst the pain. we knew we would see our baby soon!

by 1am i decided to hop in the shower and stayed there for a long time and loved it. then i started throwing up. which- for anyone that knows me- i hate vomit. i know- i know- no one likes barfing- but i really loathe it. by 3am we decided to goto riverside hospital. we arrived and i was triaged and they determined i was 5cm ( still can't believe that dialation is measured in centimeters. it hurts just thinking about it). we were both thrilled to be so far along.

by 9am tuesday i had barfed a number of times more and was hooked up to an i.v. i had gained a centimeter and was exhausted. they wanted to give me petocin (sp?) or break my water. i wanted neither. but when my doctor (whom i admire and trust very much) endorsed the water breakage - i became more willing. it didn't end up happening (the water breakage) until about 1pm that day. in the meantime, we decided to do the epidural.

our hope was to not do the epidural- but exhaustion and a bit of discouragement made me willing. in hindsight- we are both grateful for that decision b/c my whole perspective and outlook changed. i was hopeful and excited again and comfortable and able to nap for an hour. it was a good decision and i was relieve that charles was so into it as well (he was more set to not to do the epidural- although easy for him to say...).

so by 3pm my epidural my epidural was re-dosed and i took another hour nap. by this time i was at 7cm and was getting antsy. i woke up from my nap w/ an urgency to get the baby out and meet her. by this time- i was fully dialated and they determined that she was posterior- meaning the back of her head was facing my belly button rather than my spine. a resident managed to turn her and said we should prepare if there was not more progress soon that we may need a c-section.

it seemed like on a whim that the resident suggest i push some. my pushing was productive and so we did that for about an hour beginning at 5.30pm. we had this mirror on the ceiling so i could watch which i thought would be very motivating. for the most part, i was actually discouraged by the progress i saw. but then around 6.30pm constance's head crowned and she was just past my pelvic bone. two more pushes and out she came!

it was truly the most amazing site i've ever seen. i felt so empowered and blessed b/c i didn't think we could do it! i just kept saying 'we did it! we did it!' i was so proud of all of us. our nurse was phenomenal and charles- well... charles was an absolute blessing to me. he was so kind and patient and attentive. he was also gentle and quiet until the baby got here. then he started shouting and singing. i love that guy. he took great pictures. many of which are a little x rated- of the baby coming out. we won't be posting those- but i'm so happy we got those images.

we did have a wonderful first meeting w/ constance- she was alert and tried to nurse within the hour and we just stared at each other in awe. she screamed her head off and we loved the sound of it. charles and i were both so overcome w/ gratitude for a healthy daughter and a uneventful delivery.

my mom and sister came into the labor and delivery room to meet constance after she came and prior to going to our room. they both cried and were so excited to meet her and for us as well. both of them were so wonderful and continue in that vein. we called my brother in nashville and called charles' parents as well. throughout the labor half of nigeria called charles on his cell phone. this was a point of contention w/ charles b/c he answered many of the calls. i was like, 'what the hell are you doing answering your cell phone? i'm splitting in two here...'. at one point i threatened to throw the cell phone across the room. but nevertheless we also had half of nigeria praying for us and loving us from afar and i'm sure that combined w/ all our wonderful freinds and family saw us through.



one week old




aunt megan, constance, and cousin laurel

only last week- i joked w/ my friend and coworker gino about the lent promotion for fish for our client. that same day, labor began and the process of contance's arrival was well underway. it's amazing how your life can change in a matter of moments.




for those of you that have wondered- here are some pics of where i work. soon- i will be on an eleven week (now ten) hiatus that i am looking forward to...



front view of desk



my view...



the output...


chewable vitamin:
"i have found the paradox that if i love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." ~mother teresa